The Funnier Side of ADHD

I was browsing through YouTube while I was supposed to be working and I found some cute and funny videos about ADHD.  Enjoy!

How Do I Know Which List I'm On?

Like most kids (regardless of age), I definitely want to be on Santa's "Nice" list. Since I was a little girl, I've been told that the kids on the nice list get the good presents and the kids on the naughty list get coal, ashes, or nothing.

I know this is true because there was a year when my older brother was on the naughty list and he only got ashes in his stocking and a note from Santa telling him he was on the naughty list. That's what happens when you get up in the middle of the night before Christmas and unwrap all of the presents that your mommy just stayed up late wrapping.


So sometimes it's easy to know which list you're on. But what if you're not sure?

Ok, I did some things that might place me on the naughty list this year.  I can admit that, but most of them were not on purpose and I was really, really sorry....and I only did some of them over and over again.

But I did lots of good things this year, too! Don't they cancel out the naughty things?  Does Santa keep a tally of good vs naughty or does he just look at the overall picture of the year and make a judgement?

And if you're placed on the naughty list, is there any chance for a last minute reprieve?  Can I call the governor or someone and plead my case?

Maybe that's why a lot of people are nicer at Christmas time (except the people at the malls) - they are trying to make up for a lot of naughtiness earlier in the year.

I've got 8 days to solidify my place on the nice list. I think I'll start by thanking all of you for reading and supporting me over the year.

Thank you!

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Discipline

I met with my staff this morning to go over all of our projects and all of  the things we need to get done, particularly over the next few weeks. As you could probably guess, it's one of those impossible lists - the kind that cannot possibly be completed, so you have to prioritize, be disciplined, and do your best.  I have two out of those three requirements locked, but the third one....uh....not so much.

I can prioritize.  I can do my best. Discipline is difficult for me. My mind wanders from task to task, each one important, and I tend to lose focus that way.  Or my attention is drawn away by something fun and wonderful that pops up during the holiday season.

It's not that I have no discipline.  I can hunker down and focus for long periods of time when I'm up against a deadline.  It's just that when there's no immediately deadline, it feels like I have all the time in the world, and ....whoops!  Quicksand.

So, here I am today, organizing my organizational tools (editorial calendars, project tracking software, etc.) for the millionth time, hoping that a little Christmas magic will blow my way this time so I can develop and keep the discipline I need to get everything done.

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Motivation and Balance

Sometimes my life seems to be a dance between motivation and balance.  When I have one, I don't have the other, and vice versa.

My challenge with balance seems to be making the time for life away from work - time with family and friends, time for myself. To paraphrase the proverb - All work and no play makes Veronica a very dull girl.... and a lousy mother, a poor wife, and an absent friend. So I devise plans to spend more time with the people I love doing the things I enjoy, but when I actually start doing that, I seem to fall out of the groove with work, particularly with writing.

I start to enjoy life more and then I don't have the discipline it takes to write. When it comes time to do it, I just don't want to.  My motivation is gone.  Most writers will tell you that some level of discipline is critical for writing, so having none is troubling. I have some tools at my disposal and tricks I play on myself to get motivated again, and at some point - WHAM! - motivation hits and I'm a writing machine.

When this happens, I feel great! All I want to do is write and create, which means that I start doing it more, working longer hours, neglecting some of my favorite activities, not calling friends. Soon, I'm seeing my family less, and it becomes clear to me that I'm out of balance again.  I got motivation back, but I lost balance.

I scramble to develop a plan to rectify the situation, and I force myself to step away from the computer even though I don't want to. I go places with my family.  I call my friends again. And soon I'm right back where I was, with a lack of motivation to write.

It's very frustrating for me. I wonder why can't I keep both?  Why can't I achieve a real balance in my life where I enjoy and devote time to my personal life, but still have enough time and motivation for work?

As you may have figured out, this is one of the perennial issues in my life. It's not new. I seem to keep living and reliving it.  It's a merry-go-round I can't get off.

Several years ago a friend sat me down and explained to me that the vacillation between work and home in my life was completely natural. She told me to picture a real balance and observe how the trays move up and down based on the addition or subtraction of weight from either side. The only time the balance is perfectly still is when nothing is moving, and that is a temporary state.

To extend this metaphor to my life, if one tray is my work life and the other tray is my personal life, if I achieve a state of perfect balance, it means that nothing is really happening or changing with either.  Neither is getting better - or worse. Nothing new is being added - no new adventures or friends or creative ideas.  Nothing is being taken away - old ideas, outdated schedules, things that no longer interest me.

The quest to maintain perfect balance at all times is not only an impossible quest, but it contradicts the reality and theme of life - change.

While I never want either side of my life to be totally neglected, contentment is found in learning to be comfortable with the gentle dips and quivers of the balance.  It's about learning to be comfortable with change.

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The God Box

As were driving home from church last Sunday, my son was explaining what they did in Children's Church. Apparently, they were asked to write their problems on a sheet of paper and then put them in a box in the middle of the room.  Then they would turn all of those problems over to God and ask him to help them.

"What did you write on your paper?" I asked.

"Nothing," he replied.

That surprised me. "Nothing?  Why didn't you write anything?"

"Well," he said, "I really don't have any problems."

That's how a seven year old should feel, I believe - happy, and secure, and living in a world that is full of possibilities and no problems.

I looked over at my husband and smiled.

In a world where so many children are troubled, afraid, hungry and abused, or little boy knows that he has no problems.

That's something else to add to my gratitude list.

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Writing Another Book

I have another book in the works.  I remember how excited I was when I started writing my first book, 101 Tips for Aspiring Grant Writers.  I had something to say that could help people and I was anxious to get it on paper. I learned, though, that writing the first draft was the easy part. The editing process was tedious and time consuming.  In fact, I wanted to be done with it a couple of months before I was actually done.

So, when I started writing the new book, my excitement was tempered by some reality. Do I really want to jump into a lengthy process....again? Is my topic compelling enough for me that I'll be able to persevere through the boring parts of the process? Am I ready to commit to do my best on this project from the first word I write through marketing and sales?

If the answer to all these questions isn't "yes," then I shouldn't start.

After some reflection, I decided that it's time to take on this project. In fact, it's a really good time to take on a project like this.

So I'm writing another book.

A Cape or a Veil?

I was driving by a preschool on my way to an appointment earlier this week and I noticed something that caught my attention. The children were playing outside and each had a piece of cloth that looked like it was about 3'x3'. At first glance, it looked like the kids were just running around with their cloth, but then I noticed something interesting. A little  boy had two of the corners of his cloth tied  together and he was wearing his cloth as a cape.

That made me smile.  I have two boys myself and I've seen them make capes out of blankets and pillowcases and anything else that would work.

Then I noticed a few other little boys with capes.

Then I saw some little girls who were wearing their cloths not as capes, but as veils. The broader view showed a play yard filled with superheros and princesses.

I'm sure that no one told the boys to be superheroes and told the girls to be princesses on that day, but they chose those roles nonetheless, indicating that gender stereotypes start finding their way into our brains at a very young age.

I wondered, do any of those little girls understand that they could be superheroes, too?

But would any of those little boys be a princess?

One of the benefits I have as a woman is that I can be either a superhero or a princess, and I play both roles at different times. Unfortunately, boys and men don't have the same advantage.  If any of those boys had made his cape into a veil, I'm sure the other boys would have put him in his place.  If that didn't work, the girls would take care of it by "preferring" to play with a superhero.

The truth is that men and boys are still bound by traditional stereotypes of maleness.  Sure, we all know that it's ok for men to cry now (well, sometimes), and some men (like my husband) have even taken on the homemaker role while their wives work outside the home. But doing that is not easy for men. They face a social consequence that follows them around and dictates who will be in their peer group and how they and their family are viewed in the neighborhood. I can't tell you how many times over the past 20 years someone has said that my husband should get a job, even as his own wife was at home caring for their children.

My oldest son took dance lessons for years because he loved dance.  He was the only male in his classes and the only male at the recitals. He continued until he was 13.  At that point he quit because he just couldn't take the social pressure.  He chose to fit in among the boys rather than to continue with an activity he loved (although his dance experience actually came in very handy when he played football later). My husband and I were very sad when he quit, but we understood. Many adults can't handle the social pressure they get from stepping out of traditional gender roles.  How could we possibly expect an adolescent to do it?

I'm grateful for the freedom that I have to choose to be either a superhero or a princess, but I want my boys to have the same freedom.

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Words with Friends

It started casually one day when a friend of mine was talking to me and then his phone beeped.  It wasn't a call or a text message, but a notification from Words with Friends telling him that one of his friends had played a word and now it was his turn.

"What's Words with Friends?" I naively asked.

He explained that it is an online game played by folks with iPhones and Android phones.  It's pretty much Scrabble.  You can play against a friend you know or you can let the game pick a random opponent for you.

Hmm, I thought.  This could be interesting.

I downloaded the app to my iphone and he was my first opponent.  It was easy to figure out and fun.

I linked to my Facebook contacts and started playing with a couple of my Facebook friends.

I tried playing against a few random opponents.

Then I went to a family reunion and discovered that several of my cousins also played.  Great!

Finally, I got my husband to play.

Now I have 11 games going at once, down from a high of 20 games at once.  Yes, I still have a life, but Words is slowly taking it over.

One of the features I like best is that you can chat with your opponent as you play.  The interface is something like a text message format, but it functions within the app, so you can share scintillating  thoughts such as, "Wow! Great word!" and  "Gobo?  Really?"  I particularly like using the chat feature for a little intellectual trash talking and intimidation - "Are you ready to give up yet? You can click that 'resign' button at any time and end your suffering."  Or you can start chatting up a new friend that you met through selecting a random opponent, just to distract them (this is really fun with Chess with Friends...LOL).

There is an unofficial fan site that has news, word lists, a score calculator, and a link to the Words with Friends Facebook wall. You can even track your own Words statistics, and sign up for tournament notifications.

As you might expect, there are also apps and websites to help you cheat. You just enter the letters that you have and the app spits out all of the possible words.  You can then enter tile positions, spaces, and linking letters to come up with even more options.  Wow.  But you would never cheat, would you?

So, why am I writing about this?  Because writing is about words, silly.

If you are a Words with Friends player, look me up and start a game with me.  I'm veronicarobbins on Words.

Then, if you really like to play, you can look me up on Hanging with Friends (a version of hangman) and Chess with Friends.

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Slowing Down

"Stop and smell the roses." That's the phrase that comes to mind when I think about people moving so fast that they don't take the time to enjoy life.  It's usually used figuratively when people are so busy that they are rushing through life and not enjoying all the wonderful people and experiences in front of them. Sometimes, though, it takes on a literal meaning.

That's how it is for me right now.  I've been going a mile a minute, rushing to get work done and troubleshooting problems so fast that the days, weeks, and months are just flying by. It's really easy to do, especially when the writing projects in front of me are piling up and I need to move quickly from one to the other.

Then something happened.  Somehow (I still don't know exactly what I did), I injured my knee.  Getting from place to place (even from room to room in my own house) is a challenge.  I can't just hurry around, not noticing what's around me; I'm moving very slowly, assisted by my trusty cane, and I'm noticing everything. Every piece of furniture is a potential obstacle. The two steps on my front porch seem like Mt. Shasta. Decisions about where to go are made based on how difficult it will be to get there, not the purpose for going.

But it's not all bad. I've rediscovered family photographs and knickknacks that I had forgotten were there.  Moving more slowly gives me a chance to enjoy them all over again. The longer time it takes me to walk down the hallway at home gives me more time to chat with my 7 year old, who seems to like the extra time with me as he follows me around the house at my new leisurely pace.

I didn't choose this slowdown, but I'm learning to appreciate it as best I can. Not only am I smelling a few roses, but I'm rediscovering roses that I had forgotten were there.


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Overwhelmed....But It's Still a Wonderful World

I'll admit it.  I'm completely overwhelmed. I have a huge workload right now and I have been distracted by everything you can imagine, from family issues to finances. From underneath the mountain of obligations, frustrations, and challenges, it's easy to forget what a wonderful life I have and what an amazing world this is. So, here's a little reminder from Louis Armstrong himself.





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Check out The Grant Goddess Speaks.

Related Posts:
"Plant Your Own Garden and Decorate Your Own Soul"

Isn't writing supposed to be fun?

Pressure and Creativity

The Other Side of Father's Day

We celebrated Father's Day in our home like most years.  I made breakfast, my youngest and I had cards and gifts for my husband.  There wasn't much partying, but it was nice.  It was very low key, like my husband likes.  Actually, I should  say low key, like my husband.

My husband isn't my father, but I certainly appreciate him and believe that his contribution to our family is worth celebrating.  I also think it's important that I set an example of that for my sons.

I still feel a little emptiness,though, when it comes to Father's Day.

My father has passed away, but even before he passed away, he was not part of my life.  He left my mother before I was born and I can count on one hand the number of times I saw him over my lifetime.

When I was growing up, Father's Day was awkward because there was usually a stepfather around and my brothers and I were supposed to act like he was our father.  But he wasn't. None of them were.

After my father passed away, Father's Day became more of a day of grief - not grief about his death.  I never really knew the man.  How do you grieve for someone you never knew? It was grief for the loss of the idea of him, grief for the loss of the hope that one day we might actually get to know each other. It was grief for the relationship that never was and never would be.

The lack of importance attributed to fathers in our society troubles me greatly. They play a critical role in each family and in the emotional development of children.  They teach lessons that really can't be learned in any other way. I have no issue with single moms.  In fact, I think most single mothers do the best job they can under incredibly difficult circumstances, and many do an amazing job raising happy, loving, and competent children, but they can't replace a father no matter how hard they try.

It's easy to see the negative impact of a bad parent, but the effect of a missing parent can be just as destructive and devastating. My life is peppered with the emotional holes left by my father's absence. Most are small and insignificant when taken individually, but when viewed in the aggregate they are are more noticeable.  Since he died, every Father's Day has a been a reminder that there is no longer a chance that he will help me fill those gaps.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to change what Father's Day meant to me.  I didn't share this with anyone.  It was just something that I did for me.  Instead of thinking about my father or grieving the relationship we never had, I chose to use the day to quietly reflect on the men in my life who have helped me to fill in those gaps left by my father, and there are many of them. They include relatives, friends, pastors, teachers, colleagues, and even some people whose names I never knew. Soon, the gratitude and positive emotion started overflowing and pushing out all the regret, grief, and sadness.

That first Father's Day spent this way inspired me to seek out some of those men and thank them.  Now, that is how I choose to privately spend Father's Day every year - in reflection and gratitude.

As I think about it, I remember that it was my mother who taught me that I could change the meaning of any day or holiday anytime I'd like. Once again, even after her death, Mom's lessons keep helping me live my life.

All I can feel about that is more gratitude.

OCD and ADD Face Off

I'm sure you have all heard about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  Everybody likes to laugh at characters like Monk who struggle to deal with everyday life with OCD.  You have probably also heard of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I still use the old name for it - ADD - because anyone who knows me would just laugh hysterically at the hyperactivity part.  I deal with the inattentive variety. Anyway, I live my life dealing with these little issues in a completely unmedicated state (Duh!  Isn't that so painfully obvious?).

People are starting to understand OCD, and they are also starting to really get a handle on ADD, but they have no idea about the craziness that ensues when the two face off.

Let me illustrate an example for you:

As you know, I love to read.  I read a lot.  I read books, newspapers (all online now), magazines, blogs.....just about anything that interests me that I can get my hands on.

For a long time, I had my blogs all neatly organized within a generic reader.  Then I discovered Google Reader (which I love!) so I moved all my blog subscriptions there. I have about 250 blogs (give or take) that I monitor. I used to spend an hour or two every night scanning them through Google Reader, giving more attention to the posts that really interested me, and skipping by the ones that didn't.  It was great. Some people relax with a cocktail in the evening.  I read blogs.

Then I started to notice that I was reading some more regularly than others, and I didn't want to wait until the end of the day to read them.  However, if I even opened Google Reader during the day at work, I'd get lost in the reading, unable to stop (Hello, OCD!), and my productivity at work would decline dramatically.  What to do?  What to do?

I had the bright idea that I would subscribe by email to my favorites.  Then I would get an email notification whenever a new post went up for any of those and I could take a few minutes during my day just to read those. I started with about 10 of my favorites.  Then it was 15.  Then 20. Yes, my "little touch of OCD" took over and I couldn't stop doing the email subscriptions.  I liked them all, you see.

Now, my email inbox is overwhelmed with these blog posts. They keep coming. Like locusts. They won't stop. I tried to unsubscribe to some, but it didn't help. And I would re-subscribe to some soon after unsubscribing. Indecisive? Me?

So, I face an inbox overflowing with blog posts, junk mail (spam filter? right...sheesh), Facebook notices (that's a story for another day), and real work-related email.

Here's where my ADD kicks in.  I stare at the list of 2,970 unread messages in my inbox and I am overwhelmed.  I can't focus on any of them, at least not for long.  I try to organize them into folders (Hahahahahah).

My OCD says, "For gosh sake!  Delete as many as you can! You can't live with all those rows of bolded, unread subject lines in your inbox!  You won't be able to focus until every single one is handled."

ADD responds, "Ok, let's start....deleted 10, read 5, filed 6 more.....Oh, look at that hummingbird outside my window!  I need some coffee. I'd better get that contract written. Did I take my vitamins this morning? Why am I staring at my email inbox?"

OCD jumps in, "While you're at it, clean up this office!  I can't stand it!"

ADD replies, "Sure. No problem.  Where do I start? I should call Client ABC first, though. Oh yeah! I really need to get that report written.  That takes precedence over everything..."

Meanwhile, the unread email count is now 3,052. The blog locusts just keep coming.....

It's amazing I get anything done, isn't it?

There Is No Summer

I work with a lot of schools, and this is the time of year when I start to hear things like, "What are your plans for the summer?" and "Only one more week until summer vacation," and "I'll bet you're looking forward to summer, aren't you?" I always smile sweetly and do my best to share their enthusiasm about the upcoming summer months.

However, the truth is that, for me, there is no summer.

Well, the season rolls around and the weather gets warmer.  My family schedule changes because my little one is not in school for a couple of months. My tomato plants start to yield the best tasting garden tomatoes in the entire world. But in terms of my work life, there is no summer.

I will continue to get up every morning and go into my office, sit at my desk and write. There will still be data to analyze and reports to write and, this year, we are sure to have several large grants to write over the summer as well.

I might actually leave early or even play hookie a few days here and there to go see the Giants play. I'll probably see a few more movies than normal. That's about it.

I can still remember my glorious teaching days when I had a two and half month break during the summer. Ahhh, those were the days.  Even as a school administrator, I had 3-4 weeks of vacation every summer and it was fantastic!  I, too, made the casual assumption that everyone else was just as fortunate as I was. Sometimes I'd wonder why people would scowl at me when I'd say in my particularly perky tone, "It's almost summer!"

Now I know why.

For many people, there is no summer.

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Are You a Giver or a Taker?

There are people in this world who give of themselves to others, enriching everyone around them and nurturing relationships. There are others who choose to take as much as they can get from others.  These folks leave a trail of heartache, dissension, fear, dissatisfaction, and sadness in their wake.

I don't think that most of the takers in the world made an active decision to be that way.  They learned some of it from their parents.  The rest they picked up from years of feeling victimized themselves and, ultimately, living without faith. Unfortunately, they tend to take some good givers into their taker lifestyle over time.

It can happen to anybody.  You start off with a positive outlook, and you're contributing to productivity and goodness in the world, and then a taker comes into your life (and you let that person stay in your life). Soon, you start to see the world as they do and you slowly change.

But you can change back at any moment. You can decide that right now you're going to be a giver, someone who makes a positive difference in the lives of others.

What's it gonna be?

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Are you a giver or a taker?

Landslide!

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon, a perfect day for writing, yet here I sit at my computer staring at a blank screen and pages and pages of notes - again. I'm dealing what I call a writing landslide.  A writing landslide is almost the opposite of writer's block, but it has the same effect.

In writer's block, your mind is blank and you can't think of what to write.  In a writing landslide, you have so much information and so many ideas that you can't get your brain around them enough to get some words on the page.  I have written about writing landslide and how to overcome it, and I feel like I have become an expert at getting through these kids of landslides. So why am I finding it hard today to follow my own advice? I know what to do: make an outline, break the task into manageable pieces, start with the easiest piece and write. In spite of knowing exactly what to do, I find myself stuck in the intellectual mud.

As with most things, simply acknowledging the problem is the beginning of moving toward the solution. Now it's time to start pulling myself out of the mud and rocks of this landslide and start writing.

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"Plant Your Own Garden and Decorate Your Own Soul"

About 25 years ago, I was going through a particularly hard time in my life. It felt like my entire world was shifting beneath me. It was a time of depression and heartache.

I remember my mother trying to help me through it, and while she clearly cared very much, there really wasn't anything she could say or do to change things.  It was one of those situations that only I could change. It was also the first major challenge of my adult life.

As was typically the case with my mother, she didn't know what to say, but she was good at finding the words of other people that might help.  She gave me a plaque with this excerpt from a wonderful poem:

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference 

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, 

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning 

And company doesn't mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts 

And presents aren't promises, 

And you begin to accept your defeats 

With your head up and your eyes open 

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, 

And you learn to build all your roads on today 

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans 

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn... 

That even sunshine burns if you get too much. 

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure... 

That you really are strong 

And you really do have worth... 

And you learn and learn... 

With every good-bye you learn.

I must have read and re-read that poem a thousand times over the next six months, and a few hundred times since then. It helped me grow up and get through that difficult time, and many difficult times since then.

I pulled this poem out again after my mother died, and it gave me great comfort.  It still does.

Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

I'm sitting here in front of my computer staring at blank screen. Again. It seems like I have been doing that a lot lately. I could write yet another post on overcoming writer's block (please, please, don't make me do that), or I could just share some of the random thoughts that have flashed through my head over the past few minutes.

A very wise woman taught me years ago that something doesn't have to come out of my mouth (or out through my keyboard) just because it pops into my head, so I won't be sharing all of the random thoughts I've had (be grateful).  Still, you may be a bit shocked at the wild ride an ADD brain takes every moment of every day.  Please fasten your seat belts. Here we go....

• I have a friend who sent me an opinion piece on Facebook about some things America can supposedly learn from the Egypt situation. I took the time to type out a lengthy response on my itty-bitty iPhone keyboard, but there was no response.  What's up with that?
• My husband feels the need to come in every few minutes to make sure I'm working. That's annoying.
• How come Pandora plays Bruce Springsteen and Louis Armstrong on the same channel that's supposed to be The Eagles?
• Is sexting ok on Valentine's Day?
• The Propel water additive for my water tastes like grape but it's colorless.  How do they do that?
• What's my oldest son doing right now?
• Why can't I have relationships with friends that are not somehow connected to my husband?
• Wow....my daffodils are gorgeous!
• I forgot to get a Valentine's card in the mail to my aunt.  Should I send one late, or just send flowers instead?
• There was an opinion piece in the Sacramento Bee today that basically said we should blame the kids for the lousy performance of schools.  Great....blaming the victim, again. How about proposing a real solution?
• My husband sure is cute.
• How can I get motivated to attack the pile of writing projects on my desk?
• What would happen if I just quit my job?
• I wish I were in Napa right now.  It's too beautiful a day to be inside at a computer.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with gratitude for the goodness in my life I can barely breathe.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with restlessness and a desire for more in my life that I can barely breathe.
• I wish I didn't like popcorn so much.
• Can you get sick from eating too much popcorn?
• This chair is too hard.
• The window here in my office needs washing desperately.
• My kids are really great. I love them so much.
• I have a few friends I really care about that I want to talk to more, but I just seem to get too busy to pick up the phone.  What's up with that? Shame on me.
• I wonder if I'll live to see my youngest grow up.
• I miss my mom.
• I need to spend more time with my youngest.  Where is that time going to come from?
• Geez, the skin on my hands is so dry. 
• How am I going to get those income taxes paid?
• I sure would like a few days to just spend alone.
• I'd better get started on that anti-gang grant timeline.
• I know I'm supposed to cut back on salt, but how much is too much?

I think I'll stop there.  I could go on and on and on. When I have writer's block, the problem isn't that I can't think of anything.  The problem is that I think too much. Now I just need to corral those random thoughts into something productive.

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10 Things I Learned from the Justin Bieber Movie

I saw the movie Justin Bieber: Never Say Never today. It wasn't on my list of must-see films, but my son (who is certain that he is the next Justin Bieber)  wanted to go and since he can't get there on his own yet, I took him. Honestly, prior to this movie, I knew very little about Little Boy Bieber. I knew he was a YouTube sensation, and I knew he was now a favorite of pre-teen girls.  Oh yeah, and he sings. That's about it.

So, I went into the movie without many preconceived ideas about him.  In fact, the only thing I was expecting when I went to the movie was that I probably wouldn't enjoy the movie, but it wouldn't be the first thing I have done just to make one of my children happy. I'll admit that I was pleasantly surprised, even though I wanted to grab him by the collar a few times and scream, "Young man, will you please pull up your pants?!"  Yes, I know.  That's the official litmus test for "old."

For the rest of you who are old, too (at least by Bieber-fan standards), here's a list of interesting things I learned from the movie.  Now you can seem hip to your children and grandchildren without having to see the movie yourself.  Consider this a public service.

1. Justin Bieber seems like a very nice, wholesome young man. The rock star drug and alcohol culture has not adulterated his innocence.  That is very refreshing.
2. Justin Bieber's favorite color is purple.  I love purple, too!
3. Justin Bieber was raised as a Christian, and he and his team pray before every concert. The movie also showed his mother praying with him for healing when he was sick, and we saw him and his friends praying before eating pizza at a pizza parlor - without adult prompting. That was very nice to see. I felt a little better for the younger generation.
4. He really can sing. This may sound like a no-brainer, but there are lots of music stars who can't, ya know.
5. The recording artist Usher played a significant role in Justin's success. Usher's commitment to help a young performer is admirable.
6. At every concert, when Justin sings One Less Lonely Girl, his staff picks a random girl from the audience to come on stage and be serenaded by him. Yes, I felt a lump in my throat to see those girls so happy at such a sweet gesture, until I realized that while the girl on stage felt special, she was now hated by 50,000 other girls in the audience. Security!
7. At every concert, Justin's staff goes outside before the concert and gives away free tickets to groups of girls and families. And not just any tickets, but excellent floor seats right up front.  Very nice.
8. Justin Bieber is very close to his grandparents, particularly his grandfather. I hope he always appreciates what a wonderful gift his grandparents are.
9. When he's home, Justin Bieber has to clean his room before he can go out with his friends, too. I wanted to applaud when I heard his grandmother say, "Not until you clean your room!"  Yes, I pointed this out to my son. I want him to know that he really is like Justin Bieber.
10. Justin Bieber works very hard. His life may look glamorous, but he is developing a nice work ethic, and he's definitely learning that the life he's living is not all fun and games, and that sometimes you have to work even when you don't want to and you don't feel like it. It's an important lesson to learn, but part of me is very sad for him that he has to learn it so young. Sure, he has fame and wealth, but he'll never know what it's like to go to high school every day looking forward to seeing that cute girl in Algebra class.  He'll never experience the Prom like other kids do, or a dance after a football game, or hundreds of other experiences (both good and not-so-good) that make the teen years special.

Now I have a word of advice for teen boys.  Put on a Justin Bieber t-shirt and get to a Bieber concert.  Why? Because there are thousands of teen girls there looking for love, and virtually no guys. And learning how to do the Bieber hair flick wouldn't hurt either.

Writing from the Heart

I always struggle when it gets close to Valentine's Day with the decision about what to do for my husband for that holiday.  I tell him I love him every day, and I try my best to show him every day, but apparently we're all supposed to do something special for Valentine's Day. We have long since passed the point where I could buy anything that would express my feelings and appreciation for him. So, I remember what my mother always used to tell me when I was a girl about gift giving occasions.  She would say, "Why don't you write him/her a poem?"

My mother supported my writing efforts from a very young age.  She encouraged me to write poems and essays for just about every occasion.  I'd write a poem for Thanksgiving, and she would schedule a reading for just before or after dinner.  I remember her beaming with pride as I would read my creations.  It was, without question, a gift for her, regardless of the intended audience.

Well, I'm not going to write my husband a poem (my poetry writing these days is limited to haiku and experimental pieces that are just for me), but I suppose a love letter would be in order for this special holiday.  But here's the challenge - putting years' worth of emotion and shared experiences into a single letter.  And it can't be too long.  My husband's eyes will start glazing over after a few paragraphs, no matter how inspirational the prose. 

I'm going to take the advice I give to others. I'm going to think about the last year and what we've been though (and it has been a lot), and then I'm going to write from the heart. 

I want to tell him what a difference it made to have a real partner as we walked through the difficult times with our oldest son - a partner who loves him as much as I do and who celebrates like I do that he has come through on the other side of those difficulties.

I want to tell him how much he inspires me with his kindness and selflessness. I am in awe at how he'll drop everything to help someone in need, usually with enthusiasm, too.

I want to tell him that I know I move through life fast and that it doesn't always seem like I notice or appreciate everything he does to make out home life comfortable, but I do.

I want to tell him that I can't look at our children each day without feeling a profound sense of gratitude that he chose me 23 years ago and that our love played a role in creating these two remarkable and talented young men.

I want to tell him that I can't imagine my life without him in it.

Oh yeah, and I love him, too.

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Time is on My Side....or Is It?

I've spent most of my life thinking that time was on my side. I've sauntered my way through life at times at a slow malingering pace, much like the tempo of the Rolling Stones' famous song, Time Is On My Side, acting as if I have all the time in the world.

Of course, I live a life of deadlines, so I rush and hurry in spurts of activity, but these have always been stressful bites of time nestled in my belief that, in the big picture, I had all the time I would ever need for everything I would ever want to do.

Then, things started happening that made me question the abundance of time.  Kids grow up. Parents die. Health issues surface.

Suddenly, time doesn't seem like my friend anymore. It seems like a competitor, a task master, a stalker. I now sometimes have a sense that what was once abundant is now scarce  - very scarce - and precious. I've written a lot about living for the moment and embracing the time you have right now, and I truly believed everything I wrote, but it wasn't until recently that I started to feel it. This life really is short, much shorter than I ever thought.

One of my favorite songs is Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying. It's a great reminder that we should live each day like it's our last. I want to live that way, I really do.  But how do you reconcile that with the responsibilities of life like raising a family and earning a living?  I can't stop working because I want to spend more time with my kids or because I want to see sunsets in Hawaii.

I know it's about priorities - making them and keeping them.

So, today I'll set some priorities and try to find some balance between being a responsible adult and living like today is my last day.

How do you do that?

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Email Love Notes from a Six-Year-Old with an iPod Touch

My six year old got an iPod Touch for Christmas, fully loaded with age-appropriate games, music and his own email account. Email for a six year old?  Sure.  Why not?

It's all about writing for a purpose. When he writes an email, it's because he chooses to - not because he has to - and he writes what he wants to write because he has something he wants to communicate.  He will learn more about the purpose and conventions of through this practice than he will through a whole collection of artificial writing activities and lessons.

I pre-entered a few key email addresses for him - mine, his dad's, his older brother's and his teacher's. I gave him a 5 minute lesson, and he was off. He has already sent 20 emails.

The first was to his teacher to tell her he got an iPod and to make sure she had his email address (smart boy!). The second was to his brother to taunt him a bit (isn't that what brothers do?).

My favorite one is the one he sent to me at work to tell me he missed me and he wanted me to come home.

And when I want to tell him I love him when I can't call, I can send him a quick email. The reply always comes back quickly:

"I love you, too, Mommy."

Email doesn't get any better than that.

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Bookshelf Porn

I love to read.  I read books. I read periodicals.  I also read blogs, lots of blogs.  From time to time I like to share some of my favorites.  Today I found myself browsing through Bookshelf Porn.

Bookshelf Porn calls itself "porn for book lovers." It certainly is a guilty pleasure of mine to casually peruse the many photos of bookshelves in this photoblog and imagine myself living in a world where reading is sexy and bookshelves line the walls of my boudoir.

I love used bookstores, too.  You can learn more about that by reading my post The Magic of Used Book Stores.

Are you a book lover, too?

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Best of A Writer's Journey in 2010

If you are new to A Writer's Journey (or even if you're not), take a look at the best of our posts for 2010:

What Men Really Mean -  Learn what "I'm going to Home Depot" and "How do you feel?" really mean.

A Million Stories in My Head - A million memories make a million stories to write - or not.

How Having a School Age Child Cramps My Style - A humorous look at the start of the school year.

A Day in the Life of a Writer, Mom, Wife, Business Owner, Employer, and Giants Fan - Where does the time go?


Just Like Breathing - Is reading optional for you or is it as important to your life as breathing?

The Rogue Daffodil - What is it that people don't expect you to do?  Do it!

Dealing with Rejection - Rejection feels the same, whether it's in love or writing.

Things I Can Do Now That Baseball Season is Over - The end of of baseball season marks the beginning of catching up on everything else.


If You Can Read This Be Grateful - Literacy is Not Universal  Why literacy matters.

A Life in 140 Words or Less - Mom's obituary.  How do you capture a life in 140 words or less?

Remember, you can sign up for am email subscription to A Writer's Journey (see the column on the right side of the page) to have posts delivered to your email in-box.

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Real Women Don't Need New Year's Resolutions

Every year is the same. The new year rolls around and I'm faced with the decision about resolutions.  Will I choose a set of resolutions (or even just one) to work on again this year? If I do, I'm setting myself up for that pathetic cycle of failure and guilt that I have spent a lifetime trying to stop. If I don't, I look like someone who's not interested in self-improvement.

As I was pondering this little dilemma (that loomed larger as the new year approached), it occurred to me that self-improvement is a year-round activity.  Establishing goals and action plans to achieve them is an ongoing process, not just something that you do once a year.

Real women (those are women who live in the real world, with crazy schedules, family obligations, and more tasks than time) live in a continuous improvement mode because we simply can't afford not to.  We don't have time to make the same mistakes over and over again (even though we do sometimes). If something is not working for us, we can't afford to wait until January to change things.

When we fail, we try again.  When we fall down, we get up.

You see, failure to achieve a goal within a certain period of time isn't so devastating when it's just a normal part of your life, but when it is elevated to the status of an annual resolution, it becomes a much bigger deal.  Why?  Just chalk it up as one of life's mysteries, like why men won't ask for directions or where the second sock goes to in the dryer.

So I, being a real woman in the truest sense of the term, choose to live my life in a state of continuous improvement, rather than  raising the stakes (and the stress) by making a resolution once a year.

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