Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Handwritten Love

I made a commitment recently to write and send at least three handwritten notes a week.  They can be notes of gratitude, congratulations, or positive thoughts, but they must be thoughtfully handwritten. No quick little "thanks, it was nice to see you" notes are allowed. It requires a focus on the emotion and the real intent of the note, which is to share some handwritten love with the people in my life.

Before I go any further, I need to admit something. The original plan was to write a note every day, but I just couldn't keep up with it.  I decided it would be better to set a reasonable goal that I can live with than to start out with a flash and eventially quit because I "can't do it right." So, I'm writing notes at least three days a week with the hope that someday I can work up to making it a daily practice.

I started this recently, but I've already learned a few things I'd like to share:
  1. It's not as easy as it looks.  I attribute this to the fact that we are so accustomed these days to sending a quick email to communicate that we have lost touch with what it takes to spend time creatively communicating a simple thank you. Each note requires a few minutes of thought, more than I expected. 
  2. Writing it by hand matters. When a note is written by hand, it becomes more personal. Your handwriting makes it uniquely yours so both the words and the physical writing speak with your individual voice.
  3. Handwritten notes speak loudly. In a world of impersonal digital communication, handwritten notes are rare, so they are noticed. 
  4. The process gets the writer in touch with emotions and relationships. Each thank you note focuses me on gratitude. Each note of congratulations focuses me on happiness for the person to whom I'm writing. As I write, I'm thinking about that person and the role s/he plays in my life and how important s/he is to me.
At a time when we seem to have become less connected to each other in many ways, sending some handwritten love is an easy way to strengthen the connections with those we care about.

What was the last handwritten note you wrote?  When did you send it?


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Letter to My Son's New Teacher

Dear Teacher,

I'm sending the love of my life to you tomorrow morning. He's smart, inquisitive, active, energetic, creative, generous, friendly, sensitive, forgiving, and joyful.  I'd like him to stay that way.

I understand that there are many children in your class and that you must have classroom procedures that sometimes amount to crowd control, but please don't let my son get lost in the crowd. A little bit of attention and praise goes a long way with him.  You'll get much more productivity out of him with praise than with punishment. And when he gets excited and active and struggles to comply with some of your rules, please remember that he's not being disobedient on purpose. Your anger will crush him, so express it sparingly, if at all. While it may not seem like it at times, he wants to please you very much.

My husband and I will support you as much as we can and we will never say a negative word about you in front of our son or to other parents. Of course, we expect the same respect from you.

About homework..... I know that homework is part of the expectation for students these days. However, I also know that the research indicates clearly that there is no connection between homework and academic achievement at the elementary school level. That said, I understand the value of developing discipline and good study habits, but please don't send home a bunch of busy work for homework because you may have other students who don't have parental support at home. My son will be sitting at a desk all day; that's not what I want for him in the evenings.

Another word about homework.... Just as you have priorities for your family, my husband and I have priorities for ours. Family time and church activities trump homework every time. Don't get me wrong.  Most of the time, we're able to manage it all and teaching our son how to do that is part of our job, but sometimes we just can't. Please trust me to know when a family commitment is more important than the day's homework - and don't punish my son for it.

About academic achievement.....My son's academic progress is very important to me, but I know you have 32-34 students in your class and managing learning for all of them in several different subject areas is nearly impossible. Don't worry.  I'll be working with him at home. I'm not talking about homework. I'll be spending time with him every night using hands-on, fun activities to reinforce what you have covered at school.

I view my son's education as my responsibility, not yours. I will make sure he masters the academic standards for his grade level (and more). The more you communicate with me about what you're teaching, the better the support I can provide. Also, if my son is struggling with something, I can help if you let me know right away. Waiting until parent-teacher conference time to communicate is too late. If I find out at conference time that my son is struggling with something and that's the first I heard about it, I will not be a happy camper. Send an email, a text or a phone call. It doesn't have to be long, just long enough to alert me to something I need to address with him at home.

As much as I can do at home, there are lessons he can only learn at school. "Working and playing well with others," specifically with his peers, is something he needs to learn at school. Cooperating with others and functioning effectively in both large and small groups are things I can't teach him at home. Dealing with bullies without resorting to bullying himself is a lesson to be learned at school.  We can talk about it at home, but it will happen (or not) on your watch.

I am aware that you have a long list of standards and district-adopted curricula to teach, so it's easy to think of the children as vessels to be filled with your knowledge (and academic standards), but that's a faulty paradigm and I think you know it. The children come with many gifts and knowledge to be shared with each other and with you. My son is a computer whiz at the age of 8. It didn't happen by accident.  My husband and I know that technology will play a prominent role in his future. At home, he walks over to he computer and logs on anytime he wants. It will be difficult for him to adjust to having specific "computer time" only a couple of times a week and using paper and pencil to accomplish tasks that are much easier to complete with technology. He'll shine for you in many ways if you let him shine in his area of strength sometimes.

I hope you have a wonderful school year.  Ok, my motives are purely selfish because I know that if you have a great year, it is likely that my son will, too. So, get lots of sleep and eat right. I hope you get all of the support you need to do an exemplary job.  If you need my help, please let me know. I want you to succeed. I'm on your side.

Remember, I'm sending you the love of my life.

Respectfully,


Veronica Robbins


Monday, August 20, 2012

Get a Life!

Get a life!  I've heard that phrase shouted at people when the shouter wanted them to mind their own business. I don't think it's ever been applied to me (at least not to my face) except for when friends were casually encouraging me to stop working so much. It was always one of those phrases that was about other people.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I looked around one day and realized that I didn't have a life.

I had responsibilities.  I had commitments. But when someone asked me what I did for fun, I was puzzled. What a silly question, I thought. Until I tried to answer it.

I used to try to say that I didn't have time for fun.  Then I tried to say that my work was fun. It was all a cover up, though, for the fact that, indeed, I didn't have a life.

So, I took up a hobby. I started knitting again. I hadn't held knitting needles in my hands since high school. Of course, I became obsessive with my new hobby and knitted a scarf for just about everyone in my extended family for Christmas.  I knitted until it wasn't as much fun anymore. Then I added crochet, and I did that until it wasn't as much fun anymore. Then it was cross stitch, and then I did a little of all three, but it still didn't feel like I had a life (as if I would know what that feels like....).

Note to self: Getting a life is not just about getting a hobby.

I thought maybe it might have something to do with getting more active socially, so I joined a few things. I decided to join Rotary. I reactivated my interest in my local Chamber of Commerce. I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Wow, this woman really knows how to have fun!"

You can stop laughing at me now.  It's not my fault I never learned how to do this. I was raised by a single mom who didn't have a life, either.

I decided to go to the fair with my husband.  That would be fun, right? We went to the fair and walked through the exhibits, which I actually did enjoy..... for a while. A couple of hours later, the 100+ degree heat left me drenched in sweat and all the walking had my arthritic knees screaming out in pain.  I must have been quite a sight - sweaty, hobbling but refusing to leave early because, "Woohoo! We're having fun!"

Note to self: Too much fun like that might just kill me. Thank God the fair comes around only once a year.

Then it came to me.  Church activities.  Those can serve double duty, ya know.  I can get a life here on earth and also secure one for later.

I also thought it might be good to get my son into more activities and then I could volunteer to help. Hello, Cub Scouts.

I wouldn't be the first mother to live vicariously through her children. I started setting things in motion for those activities immediately.

Then something amazing happened. As the afternoon wore on last Friday, I started thinking about getting home. I had a needlepoint project for a friend to finish, and I told my son I'd read with him, and I couldn't wait to watch the Giants game with my husband. I had planned something different for dinner, and I was looking forward to trying out the new recipe. Hubby and I also needed to talk about schedules and Cub Scouts and church activities.

When closing time came, instead of saying good night to everyone as they passed my desk on their way out, I was saying good bye to them as I started shutting the office down. When I ran out the door I yelled back for the last person to lock up, and I happily skipped (yes, skipped!) to my car.

Why?

Because I have a life. It's not what I expected it would be, but it's a good one.

It used to be that the most exciting things going on in my life were work-related. That's not true anymore. My work is still challenging and interesting, but it's not the center of my life anymore.

What do you do to keep your life balanced?


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Loving What You Do

I came to a realization lately. Life is just too short to spend one-third (or more!) of your time doing something that you don't love.

I know. This is probably not new to many of you, but I guess I'm slower than some. Like most people, I had been going through life doing a job that I didn't really enjoy. Why?  It paid the bills.  I had responsibilities. I had no back up income. What I do for a living supports my family and that's it.  I don't have the luxury of taking time to "find myself" while someone else supports us.

Lots of people live their whole life like that, just putting one foot in front of the other, tolerating work that doesn't give them joy or feed their spirit because they think they have no other choice.  Maybe that's true in some cases. I certainly can't speak for everyone, but it turns out that I do have choices.

I remember a time when I felt like I was making a difference and I did it for that reason. Eventually, though, even that wasn't enough.

The day came when I decided that I didn't want to live that way anymore, so I made a decision to stop doing the part of my business that I didn't enjoy. The next part was decision to focus on doing what I love, on writing things I want to write, on helping people by doing what I love.

Is it scary?  Yes, absolutely. But you know what's even scarier?  The thought of spending another 25 years, 60 hours a week, doing something I can't stand and living with the stress and pressure of it all.

I used to describe leaving public education and going into consulting work like letting go of the side of the pool.  The water is the same, but you have to learn to swim on your own. Going into business for yourself is like getting out of the pool and swimming in the ocean. There are waves and sharks and more hazards than you can imagine, but it's still water, and it's still swimming. Making a shift in the nature of the business is like swimming in the ocean, but changing the stroke I'm using.

How long will it take me to swim as efficiently with the butterfly as I was with the breast stroke?  I don't know. 

Will I be able to do it?  Of course I will.

It's still swimming.

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I'll share more about this change over the next week in coming posts.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Why Does the Shortage of ADHD Medication Matter?

The shortage of drugs for ADHD (like Adderall, Ritalin, and other amphetamine stimulants) has been going on for over a year now. In some areas, people are unable to get their prescriptions filled.  Parents are calling pharmacies checking for availability. Some are going to other states to get the medication if there is no availability in their area.

You can read more about the shortage here.

You may be thinking that shortages of cancer drugs are more serious. That may be so, but don't make the mistake of assuming that ADHD drugs don't save lives, because they do. Teens with untreated ADHD are in four times as many car accidents as teens with treated ADHD and teens without ADHD. Children with untreated ADHD have more injuries and more trips to the emergency room.

While I don't have any stats on it, I would also bet that rate of child abuse is higher in families with a child with untreated ADHD. I can certainly attest to the fact that a child with properly treated ADHD has a saner mom than one who hasn't taken his meds. It was a completely unscientific study, but I think my entire family would swear to its accuracy.

Schools have begun noticing the effect of the shortage, too. They are seeing more classroom disruptions, more fights on the playground, and more impulsive behavior in general.

Adults with ADHD have more car accidents and lose their jobs at a higher rate when they can't take their medication.  The article I linked above includes the story of a college student whose GPA went from 3.2 to 1.9, largely due to his inability to focus without medication.

Not everyone who has ADHD controls it with medication. Some use a behavioral approach alone.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't (as you have probably gathered from previous posts you have read here). But those who need the medication because a behavioral approach alone simply doesn't work really need it to function effectively every day in the world. There are real consequences for them and those around them.

There is some disagreement about what the shortage is all about.  Some say that it is the result of more adults being diagnosed with ADHD and being treated with medication. Others say that the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has tightened up its control of the active ingredients. The FDA controls them as a strategy to prevent abuse. Still others argue that the FDA is releasing enough, but with the increase in demand, the drug companies are using their portions to make more of the costlier name brands than the generics that most insurance companies will approve - indicating that there may not really be a shortage of the medication, just a shortage of the medication accessible to most people.

Whatever the cause, it's a serious issue that needs to be addressed and resolved.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Creativity on Demand

I write grants and evaluation reports.  I also write for 6 blogs. It's a lot of writing, and that isn't even counting email, twitter, Facebook, and other social media posts. There are times when I just can't write one more word. There are also times when I can write, but I couldn't come up with a creative thought to save my life.

Contrary to what most people think, creativity is not always available on demand. In fact, there is an inverse relationship between creativity and pressure.  The higher the pressure, the harder it is to be creative.  I think pressure and stress are the hairball clogs of our mental plumbing.

I sit at my computer with a task in front of me and all I can really do is hope that the creativity is going to be flowing.  Sure, I can prepare.  I can do research and develop outlines, and those things actually help, but the difference between something that is technically correct and dry and something that is inspired and original is made my that magic that I can't make happen.

So, I prepare and hope. And I write.

Sometimes there's magic.  Sometimes there's not.

But the feeling created by that magic is like alcohol to an alcoholic or Vegas to a gambler.

That's why I keep writing.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

What's in a Name?

Have you seen Apple's new iPad? Yes, that's its name - the new iPad.


The release of the new iPad was Tim Cook's first big product release since the death of Steve Jobs. My expectations were not very high.  I was not expecting the new iPad to knock our socks off, but I also didn't expect the new Apple CEO to draw such a stark and definitive line between himself and one of the world's most creative minds by picking such an uncreative name for the product. I think it's actually a non-name, but that's another post entirely.

Not only did the name of the new iPad leave us all cold, but it left Apple with no real place to go for the next version of the iPad.

Will it be the Newer iPad? The Newest?

No, either of those names would lead to sheer confusion when an even newer version came out. Come to think of it, the name of the new iPad does the same thing.

"Hey, did you get the new iPad?"

"Yeah, I got the new iPad two years ago.  Is there a newer one?"

"I'm talking about the real 'new iPad,' not the old new one."

"Wait, I have the newest iPad. Is that the new one?"

Get the point?

No matter how you slice it, the name was a bad choice that would have been very easy to avoid simply by assigning it a number or a letter.  It could easily have been the iPad 3 or they could have gone with the iPad 2S, but after the widespread disappointment over the iPhone 4S when everyone was expecting the iPhone 5, I wouldn't have made that choice, either.

The only thing that makes sense is that Apple is planning to make this the last of the iPad line, and that the next version will be so completely different that it won't bear the name iPad at all. If that is not the case, I fear for Apple's future because hundreds of supposedly creative minds failed to come up with a viable name.

In fact, I don't think I'll refer to Tim Cook by his given name anymore.  I'll apply his same level of creativity and just call him the new CEO - not CEO v4 or anything else even remotely descriptive or original.

Come on now, new CEO. Steve would not be proud.

Monday, March 5, 2012

How Writing is Like The Godfather

I love the Godfather movies.  I really do.  Well, I like the first one the best, of course.  Who doesn't? But all three are great.  I can't tell you how many times I've watched them, but it's a lot.

I still get a lump in my throat when Appolonia dies, and I want to slap Kay myself when she tells Michael that she aborted his child.  When Sonny charges out of the house in anger, I want to scream, "Don't go, Santino!  You'll die!" And watching the calm, cool, and collected Michael sit in that hotel room in Vegas confronting Moe Green about how he treated Fredo....he was the perfect image of power and control. I could go on, but we'd be here all day, and it has already been established that folks don't like to read very much.

I've had the opportunity to watch the films again in the last couple of weeks because it is the 40th anniversary of the release of the original, The Godfather, so several channels have had Godfather marathons and I just can't resist a Godfather marathon.  That is truly an offer I can't refuse.

As I watched Sonny die for the third time in one day recently, it occurred to me that writing has a lot in common with The Godfather. Bear with me while I connect some of the dots.

Santino is the archetype of the hot headed, "act now, think later" person.  He's the sloppy writer. He's the writer who doesn't think through his work and just writes as it comes into his head.  Sure, there's a time when this is ok (brainstorming for the writer; getting revenge for the shooting of his father for Santino), but it's usually not.

Sometimes, the piece that you're writing is more difficult than you expected.  I experience this a lot with grant writing when I am given incomplete information or the client changes their mind (again and again and again) about the program design. In these cases, I have to use all my powers and all my skills to get to a good product.  It reminds me of when Don Corleone brought his dead son to the funeral director and said, "I want you to use all your powers and all your skills" in reference to cleaning up Santino so his mother wouldn't have to see him like that.

The editing process can be brutal.  I've had pieces come back from editing so butchered that I wanted to yell, just like Don Corleone did in that same scene at the mortuary, "Look how they massacred my boy!"

Just as some writers are like Sonny, others are like Fredo - timid, not very skilled, holding on to someone else's coattails and then becoming resentful later because they thought they were responsible for all the success.  They just can't accept that they don't have the talent they want to have, and that eats them up on the inside. Some people just aren't made for the "family business."

The evolution of Michael is one of the most interesting comparisons to grant writing there is. As a young man, he was naive and he wanted to save the world.  He honestly believed that the family business would go legit.  New grant writers are naive and starry-eyed, too.  They think they can change the world with their writing and, to be fair, they really can change a lot, but soon they become the Godfather Michael - slick, skilled, knowledgeable, and a bit jaded. Finally, if they stick with it long enough, they become the Michael in Godfather III - back to believing in the power of good again, using his skill and power for good, but weary of the evil in the world.  In spite of that weariness, experienced grant writers keep going, still believing that they can make a real difference in the world.

And they do.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

A Fish Out of Water Learning to Swim Again

I joined Pintrest today. You can follow me there at http://pinterest.com/veronicarobbins/. I also joined Instagram recently, and I've been on Tumblr for awhile (http://veronicarobbins.tumblr.com).  What all of these rising social media sites have in common is that they focus on images.  Photos. Pictures.  Sure, you can blog about anything on Tumblr using text, video, photos, or whatever, but most people use photos.

I really like these sites.  I love seeing the photos of others.  They are inspirational and funny and instructive. And while a picture can paint a thousand words, what about the words? The concept of a blog without many words is foreign to me, even though I've been playing around with Tumblr for a while.

It makes me wonder if this shift in preference is really about the attractiveness of images or if it is just laziness?  It takes some effort to read and, hopefully, constructively contribute to the conversation by responding. It doesn't take much effort to look at a photo and hit the "reblog" button or the "repin it" button.  I can get a lot from photos, but there is so much they can't communicate.  I want the rest.

I had a good friend once who was very quiet.  He didn't talk much at all, but he took beautiful photographs, and I was fortunate that he chose to share his photographs with me.  I was able to learn much from and about him from those photos, but there were many times when I wished he would have been able to verbalize what he was thinking and feeling instead of making me guess or extrapolate it from a series of clues he left for me.

When I was discussing this new societal image-lust with someone, he made the point that life is all about images.I disagree.  We have more than the sense of vision.  We take in information from the world through hearing, touch, taste, and smell, too.  Many believe that intuition is the "sixth sense" that we use to make meaning of things around us.

Language and images are related, of course.  A well written book or story paints a mental picture for the reader.  It's a direct connection of the minds that happens through words. Sometimes it falls short of ideal communication, but does that mean we should quit trying and move toward nothing but images?

I know, I know.  There is a middle ground here, as there usually is.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing.  But here I am looking at a whole new world of photo blogging and image sharing and I feel like a fish out of water.  I want to say, "Can't I just write what I'm seeing or thinking or feeling?" Of course I can, but as fewer and fewer people read, there will be fewer and fewer people to receive my communication in that form. Journaling is a good thing, but writing is limited unless there's someone to read it.

So, I'm learning how to swim again - with images in addition to words.

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Read more A Writer's Journey.






Monday, January 16, 2012

Inspiration for Writing

This simple little video shares many quotes on writing (by writers).

More than a few of these have given me the inspiration I need to keep writing when it just wasn't fun anymore. They remind me that writers make a difference.

Enjoy!



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Follow me on Twitter: @grantgoddess  and @veronicarobbins

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Monday, January 2, 2012

Resolution Rebellion

It's January 2, 2012.  My first day at work for the new year. My editorial calendar says I should be writing a post entitled "Writing Resolutions," but you know what? I can't stand the thought of writing one more post, email, article, or web page about resolutions and goal setting.

Seriously. The thought is not appealing at all, not because I don't think resolutions and goals are helpful (goals are critical to help you move forward efficiently in the direction you want to go), but I've grown weary of the annual resolution dance. It's a five step dance.  Maybe you know it.

Here's how it goes:

Step 1: I select the resolution.
Step 2: I proclaim it.
Step 3: I start taking action without really thinking it through.
Step 4: I quit.
Step 5: I set the same resolution again...and again...and again.

What's wrong with this picture?

I definitely do better with goals and action plans than resolutions.

Here's the truth:  For the big areas in my life that need change, I know what to do.  I know exactly what to do. I just need to do it.  A decision is the first step, but that's the easiest part.  I need a resolution about the follow-through. I need to beef up Step 3 so I can eliminate Steps 4 and 5 (My apologies to those of you in the 12 step world for hijacking the "step" model, but hmmm....how would beefing up step 3 impact 4 and 5? That is an interesting question, isn't it?).

So, I'm in rebellion today. I'm taking a break from resolutions and the whole dance....for now.

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Read more A Writer's Journey