A Letter to My Son's New Teacher

Dear Teacher,

I'm sending the love of my life to you tomorrow morning. He's smart, inquisitive, active, energetic, creative, generous, friendly, sensitive, forgiving, and joyful.  I'd like him to stay that way.

I understand that there are many children in your class and that you must have classroom procedures that sometimes amount to crowd control, but please don't let my son get lost in the crowd. A little bit of attention and praise goes a long way with him.  You'll get much more productivity out of him with praise than with punishment. And when he gets excited and active and struggles to comply with some of your rules, please remember that he's not being disobedient on purpose. Your anger will crush him, so express it sparingly, if at all. While it may not seem like it at times, he wants to please you very much.

My husband and I will support you as much as we can and we will never say a negative word about you in front of our son or to other parents. Of course, we expect the same respect from you.

About homework..... I know that homework is part of the expectation for students these days. However, I also know that the research indicates clearly that there is no connection between homework and academic achievement at the elementary school level. That said, I understand the value of developing discipline and good study habits, but please don't send home a bunch of busy work for homework because you may have other students who don't have parental support at home. My son will be sitting at a desk all day; that's not what I want for him in the evenings.

Another word about homework.... Just as you have priorities for your family, my husband and I have priorities for ours. Family time and church activities trump homework every time. Don't get me wrong.  Most of the time, we're able to manage it all and teaching our son how to do that is part of our job, but sometimes we just can't. Please trust me to know when a family commitment is more important than the day's homework - and don't punish my son for it.

About academic achievement.....My son's academic progress is very important to me, but I know you have 32-34 students in your class and managing learning for all of them in several different subject areas is nearly impossible. Don't worry.  I'll be working with him at home. I'm not talking about homework. I'll be spending time with him every night using hands-on, fun activities to reinforce what you have covered at school.

I view my son's education as my responsibility, not yours. I will make sure he masters the academic standards for his grade level (and more). The more you communicate with me about what you're teaching, the better the support I can provide. Also, if my son is struggling with something, I can help if you let me know right away. Waiting until parent-teacher conference time to communicate is too late. If I find out at conference time that my son is struggling with something and that's the first I heard about it, I will not be a happy camper. Send an email, a text or a phone call. It doesn't have to be long, just long enough to alert me to something I need to address with him at home.

As much as I can do at home, there are lessons he can only learn at school. "Working and playing well with others," specifically with his peers, is something he needs to learn at school. Cooperating with others and functioning effectively in both large and small groups are things I can't teach him at home. Dealing with bullies without resorting to bullying himself is a lesson to be learned at school.  We can talk about it at home, but it will happen (or not) on your watch.

I am aware that you have a long list of standards and district-adopted curricula to teach, so it's easy to think of the children as vessels to be filled with your knowledge (and academic standards), but that's a faulty paradigm and I think you know it. The children come with many gifts and knowledge to be shared with each other and with you. My son is a computer whiz at the age of 8. It didn't happen by accident.  My husband and I know that technology will play a prominent role in his future. At home, he walks over to he computer and logs on anytime he wants. It will be difficult for him to adjust to having specific "computer time" only a couple of times a week and using paper and pencil to accomplish tasks that are much easier to complete with technology. He'll shine for you in many ways if you let him shine in his area of strength sometimes.

I hope you have a wonderful school year.  Ok, my motives are purely selfish because I know that if you have a great year, it is likely that my son will, too. So, get lots of sleep and eat right. I hope you get all of the support you need to do an exemplary job.  If you need my help, please let me know. I want you to succeed. I'm on your side.

Remember, I'm sending you the love of my life.

Respectfully,


Veronica Robbins

There Is No Summer

I work with a lot of schools, and this is the time of year when I start to hear things like, "What are your plans for the summer?" and "Only one more week until summer vacation," and "I'll bet you're looking forward to summer, aren't you?" I always smile sweetly and do my best to share their enthusiasm about the upcoming summer months.

However, the truth is that, for me, there is no summer.

Well, the season rolls around and the weather gets warmer.  My family schedule changes because my little one is not in school for a couple of months. My tomato plants start to yield the best tasting garden tomatoes in the entire world. But in terms of my work life, there is no summer.

I will continue to get up every morning and go into my office, sit at my desk and write. There will still be data to analyze and reports to write and, this year, we are sure to have several large grants to write over the summer as well.

I might actually leave early or even play hookie a few days here and there to go see the Giants play. I'll probably see a few more movies than normal. That's about it.

I can still remember my glorious teaching days when I had a two and half month break during the summer. Ahhh, those were the days.  Even as a school administrator, I had 3-4 weeks of vacation every summer and it was fantastic!  I, too, made the casual assumption that everyone else was just as fortunate as I was. Sometimes I'd wonder why people would scowl at me when I'd say in my particularly perky tone, "It's almost summer!"

Now I know why.

For many people, there is no summer.

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How Having a School-Age Child Cramps My Style

School starts tomorrow. If you read my post yesterday, you know I'm not a big fan of the public school system. Don't get me wrong - I know and love many teachers, but the system leaves much to be desired. However, that's not what this post is about.  I'm not excited about the first day of school because it cramps my style.

Starting tonight, we have to start enforcing a formal bedtime again. No more deciding that it's more fun to finish the movie we started watching together. No more deciding on bedtime based on the color of the sky and degree of our fatigue.

Starting tonight, we have to get back to living according to a family routine. Homework, dinner, bathing, reading, bedtime.  I am not a fan of rigid routines.  They steal the whimsy from life. However, experts whom I respect very much have advised me that a schedule is the best thing for my son, so I'll do it, but I don't have to like it.

Starting tonight, we can't take off to see a Giants game whenever we want. The child who was fabulously mobile and fun all summer becomes an anchor tomorrow, an anchor tying me to the house while people with less complicated lives enjoy weekday games at the ballpark. Don't school officials know we're in a pennant race?  This is absolutely a poor time to be put on weeknight restriction.

Starting tonight, we have to enforce a strict routine of regular bathing. Over the summer it was enough to judge by skin shade and smell to determine if a bath was absolutely necessary.  We could avoid a bath with a strategically timed trip to the public pool. That's all over now.

Starting tomorrow, we have to give up 30-60 minutes a night to do homework that means nothing to me and even less to my child. Over the summer, we read and looked things up on the computer and enjoyed the discovery of learning. Now it's back to paper and pencils and worksheets.  Sure, we could still do those other, more engaging things....if we had time, but by the time we get through everything on the school night routine (see above), there's no time left for exploring the world.

Starting tomorrow, I have to quit being myself and pretend that some things are really important to me -- like getting up in time to eat a good breakfast before school, like being on time for school every day, like doing homework without Sponge Bob singing in the background -- all so my son will come to think of them as important.

Starting tomorrow, I have to make my son go to school, whether he wants to or not.  Over the summer, plans could be changed easily just because one of us "didn't feel like it."

The truth is that all of this really cramps my style.

I'm a cat person.  You know why I'm not a dog person?  Because I'm much too selfish.  Dogs want attention morning and night, every day, no break, no relief.  With a dog, you don't have a pet, you have another job.

Of course, I don't view my children that way at all.  They are pure joy and love (particularly before the teenage years).  But on this day - the day before school starts - and for the next few days that follow, I have to adjust to life not being all about fun and games. I have to change from a carefree "cool mom" to the enforcer - the enforcer of rules, routines, homework, bathing, and bedtime. 

I won't do it because I like it.  I'll do it because I love my son more than anything in this world. Even if it does cramp my style.

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Read more of A Writer's Journey.