What Men Really Mean

When I was newly married, I assumed that when my husband said something, that's what he meant. Over 20+ years later, I have learned a few things about communication that I think would be very helpful for new wives. Here are a few things to add to your husband-wife translation dictionary:

"Are you busy?" This really means "I know you're busy, but I'm going to interrupt you just long enough to pull you completely out of your train of thought just long enough to ask a question that I already know the answer to."

"Are you hungry?" This really means, "I'm hungry.  When are you going to stop earning a living and get home to cook dinner?"


"It's O.K." This sometimes means "It's OK," and it sometimes means "It's not OK, but I'm not going to tell you."

"I'm going to run to Home Depot (or the hardware store, etc.) real quick."  This really means, "I'll be gone for hours, so you'll have to deal with the kids all by yourself on your only day off from work." In my house, this statement usually varies slightly - "I'm going to run to the thrift store for a minute." He doesn't fool me because I know what it really means.


"Nothing."  This one is really tricky.  If it is used as the answer to "What's wrong?," it means,"I'm not going to tell you, and I'm attempting to torture you with my silence."  What they don't understand is that we usually like the silence (Ladies, no letting that secret out, ok?).  If it is used as the answer to, "What are you thinking?," it means, "Nothing." There are some women who dispute this.  I heard someone say that "Nothing" in this context really means "sex and beer." I must concede that there is some truth to this assertion - at least the sex part.

"That's really good."  If this is the response to a six year old's drawing, it means  "I have no idea what this is or why I'm being asked to comment on it. "If this is the answer after you have shown your husband a piece of your work (writing work), it usually means, "I haven't really read it all the way through because there was nothing in it about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, or hunting, but I want you to be happy, so you'll go back to writing and I can maintain control of the remote to watch more shows about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, and hunting."

"Are you tired?" This is a no-brainer. It really means, "Are you up for sex?"

"How do you feel?"  Same as above. The only exception to this is when he suspects it might be coming up to "that time of the month" and he's trying to gauge whether it's safe to come home or if he needs to "run to Home Depot real quick."

"I love you."  This means "I love you."

I love you, too, honey.

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Read more A Writer's Journey.

What would you write if you weren't afraid?

Yesterday I was reading a guest post on Copyblogger by Johnny B. Truant that really got me thinking.  Here's what caught my eye:

"If you’re stuck in your writing, I’d bet almost anything that it’s because deep inside, you’re hung up on what’s dying to be said versus what “should” be said in the eyes of your family, your friends, the world, or even yourself.

You hesitate on topics, on phrasing, on fears that your grammar is bad. Take your pick of an excuse, but what’s stopping you is you."

How many times have you wanted to write something but you stopped because of what others might think? Of course, there are times when we need to think about what we write before we do, but I think Johnny is right.  We self-edit way too much.  We push our creativity away because we are afraid of the response we'll get.

I find it interesting how fearful so many people are about their writing. The fear of writing is known as graphophobia, but I don't think most people have graphophobia.  What they have is fear of revealing themselves.  Fear of being judged by others.

There are great posts all over the Internet about how to overcome your fear of writing, but I think you should start by asking yourself, "What would you write if you weren't afraid?"  Johnny B. Truant gave himself a pen name to free himself from the fear of judgment, and that's when his writing took off.

I have a good friend who publishes a blog called Cranky Blog. I highly recommend that you subscribe to it. What I love most about Cranky Blog is its fearlessness. Quite often I'll read something there and have the simultaneous thoughts, "I can't believe he wrote that!" and "I agree with that 100%." And then there are the things I don't agree with at all, but they are written with such a clear honesty and fearlessness that I can't help but read more.

If you have ever just let your creativity fly free without thought about how it might reflect on you, you know how freeing it feels.  I'm not talking about irresponsibility or libel, but speaking your truth with courage.

So, ask yourself what you would write if you were not afraid.  Then write it!

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