This blog is all about my writing journey. I have written hundreds of grant proposals, but I write so many different things that I don't think of myself as only a grant writer. I'm a writer. Period. And this blog is about that journey.
Showing posts with label writer's journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writer's journey. Show all posts
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I find it fascinating that sometimes I am struck with writers block (can't write) or writer's malaise (don't want to write), yet other times I have a million stories in my head. My thoughts fly by like peoples' prized possessions being tossed about in a hurricane. There's the memory about Donny's kayaking experience in Monterey Bay - great story. Oh look! My first love. And over there is my favorite book with all the lessons I learned from it dripping off of every page.
They are flying by so fast that I can't even hold onto one long enough to enjoy it, let alone share it. Even when I can hold on to one and write about it, I can only helplessly watch as all the others keep whirling by.
Sometimes I feel sadness knowing that most of these great memories and stories will die with me because there will never be enough time in my blessed, full, wonderful life to write them down. At other times, I feel a quiet sense of peace knowing that they are mine, and mine alone. So little in my life is private these days, but these are truly private, saved for my own reflection and my times of communion with God.
Every now and then, I'll snatch one out of the air, look at it, and choose not to write about it because writing about it would cheapen it, steal its magic. The pain of lost love. The moment of my greatest bliss. The secret desire of my heart as it has become manifest over the years and slipped away. The moments of the births of my sons and the death of my mother. These stories (and many others) are too precious. They are bigger than words, and words would only skim their surfaces, like a water spider barely dancing across the water, not even comprehending, let alone experiencing, its depth.
So, I'll hold onto those. I'll take them with me as I leave this world someday - not as secrets, but as treasures. I'll share some with those few people I love most in this world and with God - not in written words, but in reverent whispers.
And still, there will be thousands and thousands to choose from for what I'll write tomorrow.
When I was newly married, I assumed that when my husband said something, that's what he meant. Over 20+ years later, I have learned a few things about communication that I think would be very helpful for new wives. Here are a few things to add to your husband-wife translation dictionary:
"Are you busy?" This really means "I know you're busy, but I'm going to interrupt you just long enough to pull you completely out of your train of thought just long enough to ask a question that I already know the answer to."
"Are you hungry?" This really means, "I'm hungry. When are you going to stop earning a living and get home to cook dinner?"
"It's O.K." This sometimes means "It's OK," and it sometimes means "It's not OK, but I'm not going to tell you."
"I'm going to run to Home Depot (or the hardware store, etc.) real quick." This really means, "I'll be gone for hours, so you'll have to deal with the kids all by yourself on your only day off from work." In my house, this statement usually varies slightly - "I'm going to run to the thrift store for a minute." He doesn't fool me because I know what it really means.
"Nothing." This one is really tricky. If it is used as the answer to "What's wrong?," it means,"I'm not going to tell you, and I'm attempting to torture you with my silence." What they don't understand is that we usually like the silence (Ladies, no letting that secret out, ok?). If it is used as the answer to, "What are you thinking?," it means, "Nothing." There are some women who dispute this. I heard someone say that "Nothing" in this context really means "sex and beer." I must concede that there is some truth to this assertion - at least the sex part.
"That's really good." If this is the response to a six year old's drawing, it means "I have no idea what this is or why I'm being asked to comment on it. "If this is the answer after you have shown your husband a piece of your work (writing work), it usually means, "I haven't really read it all the way through because there was nothing in it about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, or hunting, but I want you to be happy, so you'll go back to writing and I can maintain control of the remote to watch more shows about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, and hunting."
"Are you tired?" This is a no-brainer. It really means, "Are you up for sex?"
"How do you feel?" Same as above. The only exception to this is when he suspects it might be coming up to "that time of the month" and he's trying to gauge whether it's safe to come home or if he needs to "run to Home Depot real quick."
I just read an article online, 11 Technologies in Danger of Going Extinct. I wasn't surprised to see some things, like film projectors, on the list, but I was a little surprised that some of the tools I use every day are on the list, too.
Here are my thoughts on some of them:
Fax machines - When fax machines became more and more common a decade or two ago (yes, I have reached that age when time just starts running together), I was amazed at how you could get an exact reproduction transmitted over a phone line. I still don't understand it and think it's something of a miracle, but I have noticed that I use the fax machine less and less. In fact, when someone says they are going to fax me something these days, my first thought is, "Can't you just scan it and email it to me?"
Landline Phones - I have been hearing for a long time that people are replacing their landlines with their cellphones, but I just can't seem to let go of it. The truth is, though, that I use my cell phone even when I am at home. Our landline is used by phone solicitors and bill collectors, neither or which I am excited about talking with. I need to take the big leap like others and cut it loose, but I am tethered by a sense of nostalgia and security.
Beepers - When I saw beepers on the list I thought, "Does anybody still use a beeper?" Apparently, they do. I remember the beeper I had before the cell phone days. I would get a beep, and I'd have to pull over and find a pay phone. I'd get annoyed when it was the office calling with a message that clearly could have waited, but I'll admit that I felt a little bit important and special when I got my first pager. I don't have the same feeling with the cell phone, but I would take the cell phone over the pager/beeper any day.
DVD players - Techies think that regular DVD players will be replaced by Blu-Ray. I don't. I think the wave of the future is instant download and DVRs. Like my landline phone, I haven't used my DVD player in a long time, but I can't seem to let it go.
E-Book Readers - First, I have to tell you that I love my Kindle. I really do. But you know what I use more than my Kindle? The Kindle app on my iPhone. Yes, it's tiny, but I can read anything I want, anytime. It's always with me, and I love the feature that shows me what other people have highlighted in the book I'm reading. So, maybe e-book readers are on the way out because other devices like the iPhone and iPad do so much more. I think I'll keep my Kindle, though. You never really get over your first love, do you?
Plasma TVs - Ok, I get a little embarrassed when I realize that something I haven't even upgraded to yet is about to become obsolete. Apparently, LCD TVs are all the rage now and plasma TVs are already old news. I'm still content with my huge, big screen rear projection TV. Go ahead and laugh. When I watch the Giants game on TV, I get a life size Barry Zito in my living room. You just can't beat that.
Cell Phone Chargers - Apparently, these are on the way out because of the charger pads that are becoming more and more popular. Frankly, I will be glad to see something universal replace all the different chargers and cables that make my life a techie hell and that fill up a big box in the closet. However, I marvel at those little pads like I used to marvel at fax machines. How is it possible to put any little device on that pad and charge the battery without plugging it in? And how it is possible to do it without emitting some level of baby-deforming radiation or electromagnetic pulse into the air? I knew I should have paid more attention in science class.
The Computer Mouse - Oh man! I just got proficient at using all the different types of computer mice (mouses? mice?) and now they will all be obsolete soon? I am a big fan of the touch screen, though, and I think that's the way to go.
I think they left some things off the list......
Computer keyboards - With voice recognition software getting better and better, I think keyboards will be used less and less. I don't think they'll be completely obsolete anytime soon, but they are already being used less and less.
Cameras that use film - Yes, people still use them In fact, mu husband is still a big fan of the disposable camera (although he's starting to use the digital camera in his iPhone more and more).
PDAs that are just PDAs - Remember when you carried a PDA and a cell phone? Doesn't that seem silly now? You can still buy a plain old PDA, but why?
I'm sure I could think of more if I try.
Technology is an amazing thing. It makes a huge difference in our lives (in good and not-so-good ways), but it changes - like everything does.
I like to focus my life on those things that never become obsolete - the love of family and friends, a good read, hard work, prayer, service to others, a positive attitude....... They never go out of style.
"If you’re stuck in your writing, I’d bet almost anything that it’s because deep inside, you’re hung up on what’s dying to be said versus what “should” be said in the eyes of your family, your friends, the world, or even yourself.
You hesitate on topics, on phrasing, on fears that your grammar is bad. Take your pick of an excuse, but what’s stopping you is you."
How many times have you wanted to write something but you stopped because of what others might think? Of course, there are times when we need to think about what we write before we do, but I think Johnny is right. We self-edit way too much. We push our creativity away because we are afraid of the response we'll get.
I find it interesting how fearful so many people are about their writing. The fear of writing is known as graphophobia, but I don't think most people have graphophobia. What they have is fear of revealing themselves. Fear of being judged by others.
There are great posts all over the Internet about how to overcome your fear of writing, but I think you should start by asking yourself, "What would you write if you weren't afraid?" Johnny B. Truant gave himself a pen name to free himself from the fear of judgment, and that's when his writing took off.
I have a good friend who publishes a blog called Cranky Blog. I highly recommend that you subscribe to it. What I love most about Cranky Blog is its fearlessness. Quite often I'll read something there and have the simultaneous thoughts, "I can't believe he wrote that!" and "I agree with that 100%." And then there are the things I don't agree with at all, but they are written with such a clear honesty and fearlessness that I can't help but read more.
If you have ever just let your creativity fly free without thought about how it might reflect on you, you know how freeing it feels. I'm not talking about irresponsibility or libel, but speaking your truth with courage.
So, ask yourself what you would write if you were not afraid. Then write it!
Sure, there are times when writing is a lot of fun for me. When I'm feeling inspired and creative, what I have to say seems to flow like water. But then there are those times when that water seems to have frozen to ice, and it's a grind, like I'm a sculptor with an ice pic hacking away at what will eventually become a beautiful ice sculpture, but right now it's just a block of cold, shapeless ice.
Whenever I'm in that very un-fun space and hacking away at a piece, I always think, "Gee, isn't this supposed to be fun?" And then I hear my mother's voice saying, "Who ever told you that?"
The truth is that no one ever told me that, but I have a tendency to expect it to be enjoyable because it is fun for me so much of the time. So much so that I am actually surprised when it's not. I'm disappointed, and I have a little internal, mental temper tantrum about it. Of course, the temper tantrum doesn't make it any easier or more fun, so the hacking grind continues until I either take a break or finish the project.
Now, you would think that recognizing this pattern would enable me to change it, right? Well, not entirely. I think there are times when the writing will just not be fun. In fact, isn't it true that even things you love are not so great in excess? Have you ever eaten so much chocolate that you couldn't look at another piece of chocolate for awhile? O.k., that's a bad example, but I think I made my point. I think the same thing happens with writing for me. There comes a point when I have done so much of it in such a short period of time that it's just not fun anymore.
So, knowing that, how can I make it less of a grind? Here's what I try to do: I take breaks. I switch projects when I can. I remind myself why I am writing what I am writing.
In the end, it's more enjoyable than not. And I focus on the good time.
Also, completing a large writing project is something like giving birth to a baby (minus the physical pain and blood, of course). Once the baby is here, you tend to forget all about the pain and the difficulty of the process. All you can see is the good.
People think all I write are grants and evaluation reports. It's true that in a typical month I'll write hundreds of pages for grants or program evaluation reports, but it has occurred to me recently, that I write so much more than just those things.
Here's a sample of the different things I write on a typical day, in addition to grants and evaluation reports:
Journal entries (I journal just about every day. It keeps me sane.)
Those of you who know me may be wondering why I am starting another blog. Don't I write enough already? Well, yes, I do. In fact, I have put off starting this blog for that very reason.
But I really do have a good reason. I published 101 Tips for Aspiring Grant Writers in March, and I set up an Author's Page on Amazon shortly thereafter. There is a very cool blog feature on the Author's Page that I started to use. It's a way to communicate with readers about the book, and my writing journey in general. Sounds great, right? I thought so, too, until I learned that only the three most recent posts show up on the page. Then they disappear. Whenever I write a new post, it pushes one of them off into oblivion. There's no archive, no way to retrieve it. In short, the writing is lost forever.
Well, as you can imagine, that just doesn't work for me. Not at all.
There is another way to do it. I can start another blog and then point the feed to the Amazon Author's Page and then all posts are saved, and I stay in control of the content completely. That sounds more like it, doesn't it?
So, that's how we got here.
I'll be writing about my writing journey and I welcome input from other writer's too.
in March, and I set up an 
