What Men Really Mean

When I was newly married, I assumed that when my husband said something, that's what he meant. Over 20+ years later, I have learned a few things about communication that I think would be very helpful for new wives. Here are a few things to add to your husband-wife translation dictionary:

"Are you busy?" This really means "I know you're busy, but I'm going to interrupt you just long enough to pull you completely out of your train of thought just long enough to ask a question that I already know the answer to."

"Are you hungry?" This really means, "I'm hungry.  When are you going to stop earning a living and get home to cook dinner?"


"It's O.K." This sometimes means "It's OK," and it sometimes means "It's not OK, but I'm not going to tell you."

"I'm going to run to Home Depot (or the hardware store, etc.) real quick."  This really means, "I'll be gone for hours, so you'll have to deal with the kids all by yourself on your only day off from work." In my house, this statement usually varies slightly - "I'm going to run to the thrift store for a minute." He doesn't fool me because I know what it really means.


"Nothing."  This one is really tricky.  If it is used as the answer to "What's wrong?," it means,"I'm not going to tell you, and I'm attempting to torture you with my silence."  What they don't understand is that we usually like the silence (Ladies, no letting that secret out, ok?).  If it is used as the answer to, "What are you thinking?," it means, "Nothing." There are some women who dispute this.  I heard someone say that "Nothing" in this context really means "sex and beer." I must concede that there is some truth to this assertion - at least the sex part.

"That's really good."  If this is the response to a six year old's drawing, it means  "I have no idea what this is or why I'm being asked to comment on it. "If this is the answer after you have shown your husband a piece of your work (writing work), it usually means, "I haven't really read it all the way through because there was nothing in it about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, or hunting, but I want you to be happy, so you'll go back to writing and I can maintain control of the remote to watch more shows about monster trucks, beer, sex, sports, and hunting."

"Are you tired?" This is a no-brainer. It really means, "Are you up for sex?"

"How do you feel?"  Same as above. The only exception to this is when he suspects it might be coming up to "that time of the month" and he's trying to gauge whether it's safe to come home or if he needs to "run to Home Depot real quick."

"I love you."  This means "I love you."

I love you, too, honey.

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