A Million Stories in my Head.....

I find it fascinating that sometimes I am struck with writers block (can't write) or writer's malaise (don't want to write), yet other times I have a million stories in my head. My thoughts fly by like peoples' prized possessions being tossed about in a hurricane. There's the memory about Donny's kayaking experience in Monterey Bay - great story. Oh look! My first love. And over there is my favorite book with all the lessons I learned from it dripping off of every page.

They are flying by so fast that I can't even hold onto one long enough to enjoy it, let alone share it. Even when I can hold on to one and write about it, I can only helplessly watch as all the others keep whirling by.

Sometimes I feel sadness knowing that most of these great memories and stories will die with me because there will never be enough time in my blessed, full, wonderful life to write them down. At other times, I feel a quiet sense of peace knowing that they are mine, and mine alone.  So little in my life is private these days, but these are truly private, saved for my own reflection and my times of communion with God.

Every now and then, I'll snatch one out of the air, look at it, and choose not to write about it because writing about it would cheapen it, steal its magic.  The pain of lost love. The moment of my greatest bliss. The secret desire of my heart as it has become manifest over the years and slipped away. The moments of the births of my sons and the death of my mother. These stories (and many others) are too precious.  They are bigger than words, and words would only skim their surfaces, like a water spider barely dancing across the water, not even comprehending, let alone experiencing, its depth.

So, I'll hold onto those. I'll take them with me as I leave this world someday - not as secrets, but as treasures.  I'll share some with those few people I love most in this world and with God - not in written words, but in reverent whispers.

And still, there will be thousands and thousands to choose from for what I'll write tomorrow.

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