This blog is all about my writing journey. I have written hundreds of grant proposals, but I write so many different things that I don't think of myself as only a grant writer. I'm a writer. Period. And this blog is about that journey.
It's a rainy Sunday afternoon, a perfect day for writing, yet here I sit at my computer staring at a blank screen and pages and pages of notes - again. I'm dealing what I call a writing landslide. A writing landslide is almost the opposite of writer's block, but it has the same effect.
In writer's block, your mind is blank and you can't think of what to write. In a writing landslide, you have so much information and so many ideas that you can't get your brain around them enough to get some words on the page. I have written about writing landslide and how to overcome it, and I feel like I have become an expert at getting through these kids of landslides. So why am I finding it hard today to follow my own advice? I know what to do: make an outline, break the task into manageable pieces, start with the easiest piece and write. In spite of knowing exactly what to do, I find myself stuck in the intellectual mud.
As with most things, simply acknowledging the problem is the beginning of moving toward the solution. Now it's time to start pulling myself out of the mud and rocks of this landslide and start writing.
I'm sitting here in front of my computer staring at blank screen. Again. It seems like I have been doing that a lot lately. I could write yet another post on overcoming writer's block (please, please, don't make me do that), or I could just share some of the random thoughts that have flashed through my head over the past few minutes.
A very wise woman taught me years ago that something doesn't have to come out of my mouth (or out through my keyboard) just because it pops into my head, so I won't be sharing all of the random thoughts I've had (be grateful). Still, you may be a bit shocked at the wild ride an ADD brain takes every moment of every day. Please fasten your seat belts. Here we go....
I have a friend who sent me an opinion piece on Facebook about some things America can supposedly learn from the Egypt situation. I took the time to type out a lengthy response on my itty-bitty iPhone keyboard, but there was no response. What's up with that?
My husband feels the need to come in every few minutes to make sure I'm working. That's annoying.
How come Pandora plays Bruce Springsteen and Louis Armstrong on the same channel that's supposed to be The Eagles?
Is sexting ok on Valentine's Day?
The Propel water additive for my water tastes like grape but it's colorless. How do they do that?
What's my oldest son doing right now?
Why can't I have relationships with friends that are not somehow connected to my husband?
Wow....my daffodils are gorgeous!
I forgot to get a Valentine's card in the mail to my aunt. Should I send one late, or just send flowers instead?
There was an opinion piece in the Sacramento Bee today that basically said we should blame the kids for the lousy performance of schools. Great....blaming the victim, again. How about proposing a real solution?
My husband sure is cute.
How can I get motivated to attack the pile of writing projects on my desk?
What would happen if I just quit my job?
I wish I were in Napa right now. It's too beautiful a day to be inside at a computer.
Sometimes I am so overcome with gratitude for the goodness in my life I can barely breathe.
Sometimes I am so overcome with restlessness and a desire for more in my life that I can barely breathe.
I wish I didn't like popcorn so much.
Can you get sick from eating too much popcorn?
This chair is too hard.
The window here in my office needs washing desperately.
My kids are really great. I love them so much.
I have a few friends I really care about that I want to talk to more, but I just seem to get too busy to pick up the phone. What's up with that? Shame on me.
I wonder if I'll live to see my youngest grow up.
I miss my mom.
I need to spend more time with my youngest. Where is that time going to come from?
Geez, the skin on my hands is so dry.
How am I going to get those income taxes paid?
I sure would like a few days to just spend alone.
I'd better get started on that anti-gang grant timeline.
I know I'm supposed to cut back on salt, but how much is too much?
I think I'll stop there. I could go on and on and on. When I have writer's block, the problem isn't that I can't think of anything. The problem is that I think too much. Now I just need to corral those random thoughts into something productive.
I find it fascinating that sometimes I am struck with writers block (can't write) or writer's malaise (don't want to write), yet other times I have a million stories in my head. My thoughts fly by like peoples' prized possessions being tossed about in a hurricane. There's the memory about Donny's kayaking experience in Monterey Bay - great story. Oh look! My first love. And over there is my favorite book with all the lessons I learned from it dripping off of every page.
They are flying by so fast that I can't even hold onto one long enough to enjoy it, let alone share it. Even when I can hold on to one and write about it, I can only helplessly watch as all the others keep whirling by.
Sometimes I feel sadness knowing that most of these great memories and stories will die with me because there will never be enough time in my blessed, full, wonderful life to write them down. At other times, I feel a quiet sense of peace knowing that they are mine, and mine alone. So little in my life is private these days, but these are truly private, saved for my own reflection and my times of communion with God.
Every now and then, I'll snatch one out of the air, look at it, and choose not to write about it because writing about it would cheapen it, steal its magic. The pain of lost love. The moment of my greatest bliss. The secret desire of my heart as it has become manifest over the years and slipped away. The moments of the births of my sons and the death of my mother. These stories (and many others) are too precious. They are bigger than words, and words would only skim their surfaces, like a water spider barely dancing across the water, not even comprehending, let alone experiencing, its depth.
So, I'll hold onto those. I'll take them with me as I leave this world someday - not as secrets, but as treasures. I'll share some with those few people I love most in this world and with God - not in written words, but in reverent whispers.
And still, there will be thousands and thousands to choose from for what I'll write tomorrow.
A writing landslide can be just as debilitating to a writer as writer's block, even though it has a completely different cause. In writer's block, you can't get started writing or you can't get very far because the words just won't come. In a writing landslide, you are overwhelmed with information, so much information that getting started is hard because you just don't know the best way to start.
One is like dying of thirst; the other is like drowning, but you're just as dead either way.
So what can you do?
I'm fighting my way out of a writing landslide right now. I have a huge evaluation report due soon, and I have over 4 years' worth of data, notes, reports, and qualitative information to process, summarize, analyze, and describe. The instructions from the funding source are not helpful. They use words like "thoroughly" and "in detail" while giving me an impossible page limitation and adding that data can also be placed in appendices. It's like a schizophrenic at a cafeteria saying, "Give me a lot, but not much, but more than that, but make it fit on this plate...OK, you can use more plates, but not many...." It doesn't help that my client is tapping her foot wondering why it's taking so long (imagine the cashier at the end of the cafeteria line waiting for my schizophrenic friend to get through the line). While deadline pressure can help get me moving, it doesn't make me think any more clearly, and that's what is needed in this situation.
The bigger the landslide, the harder it is to work your way through it because there are so many different points at which the massive amount of data or information can overtake you. Here are my suggestions for escaping the landslide or avoiding it altogether:
Make an outline. I know. This sounds so much like an English teacher, but the purpose of an outline is to help you organize your thoughts, and that's precisely what a writing landslide calls for. The outline will help you make sense of the big picture, so you can leave the big picture behind for awhile and move on to the next step.
Focus on one small piece or topic of the outline at a time. This helps you break that big landslide up into small piles of rocks that you can easily conquer. If the pieces are still too big for you, go back and make your outline more detailed until the pieces are manageable. I owe this trick to Mrs. Marbell, my senior English teacher in high school and the several debate coaches I had in high school and college. They all forced me to put a single argument, source or piece of evidence on a note card, then assemble the note cards as needed to fill in the outline - before writing a word of narrative. I could visually see where the holes were and fill them in before I started writing. When I was ready to write, the final product was very cohesive.
Word processors have spoiled us. We think, "I don't need to organize my thoughts first. I can just go back and correct and modify my writing later." Unfortunately, nothing is worse for dealing with a writing landslide than just jumping in because the landslide can turn to quicksand and envelop you pretty quickly that way. The typewriter days were a blessing in this respect. Back then, the easier, softer way was to develop an outline first, and we all knew that. In fact, it only took me one experience of having to type the same paper over and over and over again to understand the value of a good outline.
Pick the easiest piece - and write. Once you have developed an outline and broken the monster into a bunch of small and manageable pieces, it's time to write. To avoid writer's block at this point (I know, it's just wrong that you could be dying of thirst and drowning at the same time, isn't it?), I suggest starting with the easiest piece you have, and getting something on paper. This may not be the beginning. In fact, for me, it never is. The easiest piece is the one you know the most about or the one you feel most comfortable writing about. Once you have this piece written, you have broken through the blank page, and now you can go to the beginning (or any other place you want) and move forward, one small section at a time. Don't let yourself look at the big picture again until you have a draft to edit. Until then, focus on the parts.
Pull it all together. This is a very important piece, especially if you have been working on separate pieces of a project over days or weeks or months (yes, I said months....welcome to my world). You need to read through a draft to make sure transitions are clear and that everything falls together like part of the same big picture.
When you see the writing landslide coming at you, or when you have been buried by it, it can seem overwhelming. Don't let it defeat you. It's all about your perspective. View it as the pile of rocks that it is and start to move them one at a time.
