Motivation and Balance

Sometimes my life seems to be a dance between motivation and balance.  When I have one, I don't have the other, and vice versa.

My challenge with balance seems to be making the time for life away from work - time with family and friends, time for myself. To paraphrase the proverb - All work and no play makes Veronica a very dull girl.... and a lousy mother, a poor wife, and an absent friend. So I devise plans to spend more time with the people I love doing the things I enjoy, but when I actually start doing that, I seem to fall out of the groove with work, particularly with writing.

I start to enjoy life more and then I don't have the discipline it takes to write. When it comes time to do it, I just don't want to.  My motivation is gone.  Most writers will tell you that some level of discipline is critical for writing, so having none is troubling. I have some tools at my disposal and tricks I play on myself to get motivated again, and at some point - WHAM! - motivation hits and I'm a writing machine.

When this happens, I feel great! All I want to do is write and create, which means that I start doing it more, working longer hours, neglecting some of my favorite activities, not calling friends. Soon, I'm seeing my family less, and it becomes clear to me that I'm out of balance again.  I got motivation back, but I lost balance.

I scramble to develop a plan to rectify the situation, and I force myself to step away from the computer even though I don't want to. I go places with my family.  I call my friends again. And soon I'm right back where I was, with a lack of motivation to write.

It's very frustrating for me. I wonder why can't I keep both?  Why can't I achieve a real balance in my life where I enjoy and devote time to my personal life, but still have enough time and motivation for work?

As you may have figured out, this is one of the perennial issues in my life. It's not new. I seem to keep living and reliving it.  It's a merry-go-round I can't get off.

Several years ago a friend sat me down and explained to me that the vacillation between work and home in my life was completely natural. She told me to picture a real balance and observe how the trays move up and down based on the addition or subtraction of weight from either side. The only time the balance is perfectly still is when nothing is moving, and that is a temporary state.

To extend this metaphor to my life, if one tray is my work life and the other tray is my personal life, if I achieve a state of perfect balance, it means that nothing is really happening or changing with either.  Neither is getting better - or worse. Nothing new is being added - no new adventures or friends or creative ideas.  Nothing is being taken away - old ideas, outdated schedules, things that no longer interest me.

The quest to maintain perfect balance at all times is not only an impossible quest, but it contradicts the reality and theme of life - change.

While I never want either side of my life to be totally neglected, contentment is found in learning to be comfortable with the gentle dips and quivers of the balance.  It's about learning to be comfortable with change.

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Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

I'm sitting here in front of my computer staring at blank screen. Again. It seems like I have been doing that a lot lately. I could write yet another post on overcoming writer's block (please, please, don't make me do that), or I could just share some of the random thoughts that have flashed through my head over the past few minutes.

A very wise woman taught me years ago that something doesn't have to come out of my mouth (or out through my keyboard) just because it pops into my head, so I won't be sharing all of the random thoughts I've had (be grateful).  Still, you may be a bit shocked at the wild ride an ADD brain takes every moment of every day.  Please fasten your seat belts. Here we go....

• I have a friend who sent me an opinion piece on Facebook about some things America can supposedly learn from the Egypt situation. I took the time to type out a lengthy response on my itty-bitty iPhone keyboard, but there was no response.  What's up with that?
• My husband feels the need to come in every few minutes to make sure I'm working. That's annoying.
• How come Pandora plays Bruce Springsteen and Louis Armstrong on the same channel that's supposed to be The Eagles?
• Is sexting ok on Valentine's Day?
• The Propel water additive for my water tastes like grape but it's colorless.  How do they do that?
• What's my oldest son doing right now?
• Why can't I have relationships with friends that are not somehow connected to my husband?
• Wow....my daffodils are gorgeous!
• I forgot to get a Valentine's card in the mail to my aunt.  Should I send one late, or just send flowers instead?
• There was an opinion piece in the Sacramento Bee today that basically said we should blame the kids for the lousy performance of schools.  Great....blaming the victim, again. How about proposing a real solution?
• My husband sure is cute.
• How can I get motivated to attack the pile of writing projects on my desk?
• What would happen if I just quit my job?
• I wish I were in Napa right now.  It's too beautiful a day to be inside at a computer.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with gratitude for the goodness in my life I can barely breathe.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with restlessness and a desire for more in my life that I can barely breathe.
• I wish I didn't like popcorn so much.
• Can you get sick from eating too much popcorn?
• This chair is too hard.
• The window here in my office needs washing desperately.
• My kids are really great. I love them so much.
• I have a few friends I really care about that I want to talk to more, but I just seem to get too busy to pick up the phone.  What's up with that? Shame on me.
• I wonder if I'll live to see my youngest grow up.
• I miss my mom.
• I need to spend more time with my youngest.  Where is that time going to come from?
• Geez, the skin on my hands is so dry. 
• How am I going to get those income taxes paid?
• I sure would like a few days to just spend alone.
• I'd better get started on that anti-gang grant timeline.
• I know I'm supposed to cut back on salt, but how much is too much?

I think I'll stop there.  I could go on and on and on. When I have writer's block, the problem isn't that I can't think of anything.  The problem is that I think too much. Now I just need to corral those random thoughts into something productive.

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Time is on My Side....or Is It?

I've spent most of my life thinking that time was on my side. I've sauntered my way through life at times at a slow malingering pace, much like the tempo of the Rolling Stones' famous song, Time Is On My Side, acting as if I have all the time in the world.

Of course, I live a life of deadlines, so I rush and hurry in spurts of activity, but these have always been stressful bites of time nestled in my belief that, in the big picture, I had all the time I would ever need for everything I would ever want to do.

Then, things started happening that made me question the abundance of time.  Kids grow up. Parents die. Health issues surface.

Suddenly, time doesn't seem like my friend anymore. It seems like a competitor, a task master, a stalker. I now sometimes have a sense that what was once abundant is now scarce  - very scarce - and precious. I've written a lot about living for the moment and embracing the time you have right now, and I truly believed everything I wrote, but it wasn't until recently that I started to feel it. This life really is short, much shorter than I ever thought.

One of my favorite songs is Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying. It's a great reminder that we should live each day like it's our last. I want to live that way, I really do.  But how do you reconcile that with the responsibilities of life like raising a family and earning a living?  I can't stop working because I want to spend more time with my kids or because I want to see sunsets in Hawaii.

I know it's about priorities - making them and keeping them.

So, today I'll set some priorities and try to find some balance between being a responsible adult and living like today is my last day.

How do you do that?

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Who's Voice Is That?

One of my staff members wrote an executive summary for a report recently.  It was a well-written piece.  I reviewed it. It had all of its parts.  It was grammatically correct.  In short, it was a good executive summary. When our client read it, though, her first comment was, "Who wrote this?" She admitted there was nothing wrong with the writing, but she just knew it wasn't me. I didn't know if I should be flattered that she knew my writing well enough to recognize my voice (or the lack of it) or if I should be nervous because we were caught with someone else in my organization writing it (although there is nothing wrong with our team writing effort in this situation).

There is no question that my writing has a distinctive voice. The whole concept of voice (which is different than tone) is that it is unique to you. It is the quality of your writing that allows your audience to know that you wrote something. Every piece of good writing has a voice, regardless of whether it is fiction or non-fiction. I have read articles on academic writing that discuss the concept of voice as the difference between just regurgitating the research and other peoples' opinions and the contribution that you make to the intellectual discussion. This made sense to me.

I'm sure you have read a bunch of articles and web pages that just repeat information you can find elsewhere. This is particularly true in this age of massive online content generation.  You can find someone online to write a 500 word article for you for $5 and you can slap your name on it and share it or sell it.  So what? What does that add to the discussion?

I was reading my son's gaming blog recently and I was struck my the fact that he has developed a voice that is uniquely his. It made me smile.  OK, I was a little proud, too. He has something valuable to say, and I am certain that the success of his blog is not about grammar and punctuation (or occasional grammar and punctuation errors) or even about the content.  The success of his blog about what he brings to that content.  It's his voice.

If you are a regular reader of any of our blogs (The Grant Goddess Speaks, A Writer's Journey, Sexy Grant Writers, Veronica Robbins Unleashed, Grant Outline, Grant Beast) you can tell who wrote each post based on the voice. Those of us who contribute, including our guest bloggers, each have something unique to say and a very unique way of saying it.

When advising new writers, I emphasize the importance of developing a voice.  This is not about finding your voice, but developing it as a writer. Your voice isn't hidden.  It's you. Developing it is all about learning to free it, rather than suppress it, in your writing.

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Here is some more information about the difference between tone and voice, and how you can develop your own voice in writing.

Related Posts from A Writer's Journey:

What Would You Write If You Weren't Afraid?

So Many Writing Media Choices, But Are We Saying Anything?

When Written Communication Doesn't Communicate

What Men Really Mean

Does Public Education Support or Discourage Young Writers?

The Voice in My Head

The voice in my head is pretty active today. Yes, I have a voice in my head that seems like it's not my own, and she seems to be pretty vocal lately.  No, I don't "hear voices" (so there's no need to contact the mental health authorities).

I used to think it was the voice of my conscience speaking, but then I noticed one day that some of the things she says are not necessarily aligned with my current world view or moral compass.  It's true.  Sometimes, she makes me do a double-take and wonder who the heck she is, but other times she's as familiar as a comfortable pair of shoes - warm, supportive, comfortable.

When the voice is encouraging, I like her.  In fact, I even try to take credit for her and assume she's me.  But when she's critical or discouraging, I know she's a foreigner and I sigh like I did when I was 12.

It's the voice of my mother.

Here are some of the less-than-supportive things she has said to me in the last 24 hours:

• "No, you can't wear those shoes.  It's after Labor Day."
• "Go ahead and wear that dress. I suppose it doesn't matter matter what people think."
• "Are you sure you want to do that?"
• "How many calories are in that?"
• "You're going to waste your money on Starbucks???"
• "So what if everybody is doing it? Would you jump off a bridge if everyone else did?"
• "You never listen."
• "A penny saved is a penny earned. You could save a bunch of pennies if you re-used that disposable cup....again."
• "I think you could have done better."
• "This isn't your best work.  Were you going for the 'I really don't care' effect?"
• "If you leave the house like that, this will be the day you get into a car wreck."

But she's not always critical.  Here are some of the encouraging and supportive things I've heard her say in the last day:

• "What a great idea!."
• "It's OK to choose time with your son over work. He's precious, and he's growing up fast."
• "How fortunate you are that your husband loves you so much."
• "Are you the most fortunate woman in the world, or what?!"
• "Good hair day...nice!"
• "Donny is such a fine young man.  You should be proud."
• "Derek, MaryEllen, Sam and Beth are such blessings in your life, not just your business....it's good you know that. Are you showing them that you know it?"
• "Good for you for choosing to cook a healthy meal at home, rather than calling out for pizza."
• "No, the world won't stop spinning if you stop for prayer throughout the day.  In fact, your world will spin a little more smoothly."
• "You made a difference today."
• "You're not alone."

I used to think I wanted her out of my head, but come to think of it, I kind of like her there.

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