A Letter to My Son's New Teacher

Dear Teacher,

I'm sending the love of my life to you tomorrow morning. He's smart, inquisitive, active, energetic, creative, generous, friendly, sensitive, forgiving, and joyful.  I'd like him to stay that way.

I understand that there are many children in your class and that you must have classroom procedures that sometimes amount to crowd control, but please don't let my son get lost in the crowd. A little bit of attention and praise goes a long way with him.  You'll get much more productivity out of him with praise than with punishment. And when he gets excited and active and struggles to comply with some of your rules, please remember that he's not being disobedient on purpose. Your anger will crush him, so express it sparingly, if at all. While it may not seem like it at times, he wants to please you very much.

My husband and I will support you as much as we can and we will never say a negative word about you in front of our son or to other parents. Of course, we expect the same respect from you.

About homework..... I know that homework is part of the expectation for students these days. However, I also know that the research indicates clearly that there is no connection between homework and academic achievement at the elementary school level. That said, I understand the value of developing discipline and good study habits, but please don't send home a bunch of busy work for homework because you may have other students who don't have parental support at home. My son will be sitting at a desk all day; that's not what I want for him in the evenings.

Another word about homework.... Just as you have priorities for your family, my husband and I have priorities for ours. Family time and church activities trump homework every time. Don't get me wrong.  Most of the time, we're able to manage it all and teaching our son how to do that is part of our job, but sometimes we just can't. Please trust me to know when a family commitment is more important than the day's homework - and don't punish my son for it.

About academic achievement.....My son's academic progress is very important to me, but I know you have 32-34 students in your class and managing learning for all of them in several different subject areas is nearly impossible. Don't worry.  I'll be working with him at home. I'm not talking about homework. I'll be spending time with him every night using hands-on, fun activities to reinforce what you have covered at school.

I view my son's education as my responsibility, not yours. I will make sure he masters the academic standards for his grade level (and more). The more you communicate with me about what you're teaching, the better the support I can provide. Also, if my son is struggling with something, I can help if you let me know right away. Waiting until parent-teacher conference time to communicate is too late. If I find out at conference time that my son is struggling with something and that's the first I heard about it, I will not be a happy camper. Send an email, a text or a phone call. It doesn't have to be long, just long enough to alert me to something I need to address with him at home.

As much as I can do at home, there are lessons he can only learn at school. "Working and playing well with others," specifically with his peers, is something he needs to learn at school. Cooperating with others and functioning effectively in both large and small groups are things I can't teach him at home. Dealing with bullies without resorting to bullying himself is a lesson to be learned at school.  We can talk about it at home, but it will happen (or not) on your watch.

I am aware that you have a long list of standards and district-adopted curricula to teach, so it's easy to think of the children as vessels to be filled with your knowledge (and academic standards), but that's a faulty paradigm and I think you know it. The children come with many gifts and knowledge to be shared with each other and with you. My son is a computer whiz at the age of 8. It didn't happen by accident.  My husband and I know that technology will play a prominent role in his future. At home, he walks over to he computer and logs on anytime he wants. It will be difficult for him to adjust to having specific "computer time" only a couple of times a week and using paper and pencil to accomplish tasks that are much easier to complete with technology. He'll shine for you in many ways if you let him shine in his area of strength sometimes.

I hope you have a wonderful school year.  Ok, my motives are purely selfish because I know that if you have a great year, it is likely that my son will, too. So, get lots of sleep and eat right. I hope you get all of the support you need to do an exemplary job.  If you need my help, please let me know. I want you to succeed. I'm on your side.

Remember, I'm sending you the love of my life.

Respectfully,


Veronica Robbins

Get a Life!

Get a life!  I've heard that phrase shouted at people when the shouter wanted them to mind their own business. I don't think it's ever been applied to me (at least not to my face) except for when friends were casually encouraging me to stop working so much. It was always one of those phrases that was about other people.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I looked around one day and realized that I didn't have a life.

I had responsibilities.  I had commitments. But when someone asked me what I did for fun, I was puzzled. What a silly question, I thought. Until I tried to answer it.

I used to try to say that I didn't have time for fun.  Then I tried to say that my work was fun. It was all a cover up, though, for the fact that, indeed, I didn't have a life.

So, I took up a hobby. I started knitting again. I hadn't held knitting needles in my hands since high school. Of course, I became obsessive with my new hobby and knitted a scarf for just about everyone in my extended family for Christmas.  I knitted until it wasn't as much fun anymore. Then I added crochet, and I did that until it wasn't as much fun anymore. Then it was cross stitch, and then I did a little of all three, but it still didn't feel like I had a life (as if I would know what that feels like....).

Note to self: Getting a life is not just about getting a hobby.

I thought maybe it might have something to do with getting more active socially, so I joined a few things. I decided to join Rotary. I reactivated my interest in my local Chamber of Commerce. I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Wow, this woman really knows how to have fun!"

You can stop laughing at me now.  It's not my fault I never learned how to do this. I was raised by a single mom who didn't have a life, either.

I decided to go to the fair with my husband.  That would be fun, right? We went to the fair and walked through the exhibits, which I actually did enjoy..... for a while. A couple of hours later, the 100+ degree heat left me drenched in sweat and all the walking had my arthritic knees screaming out in pain.  I must have been quite a sight - sweaty, hobbling but refusing to leave early because, "Woohoo! We're having fun!"

Note to self: Too much fun like that might just kill me. Thank God the fair comes around only once a year.

Then it came to me.  Church activities.  Those can serve double duty, ya know.  I can get a life here on earth and also secure one for later.

I also thought it might be good to get my son into more activities and then I could volunteer to help. Hello, Cub Scouts.

I wouldn't be the first mother to live vicariously through her children. I started setting things in motion for those activities immediately.

Then something amazing happened. As the afternoon wore on last Friday, I started thinking about getting home. I had a needlepoint project for a friend to finish, and I told my son I'd read with him, and I couldn't wait to watch the Giants game with my husband. I had planned something different for dinner, and I was looking forward to trying out the new recipe. Hubby and I also needed to talk about schedules and Cub Scouts and church activities.

When closing time came, instead of saying good night to everyone as they passed my desk on their way out, I was saying good bye to them as I started shutting the office down. When I ran out the door I yelled back for the last person to lock up, and I happily skipped (yes, skipped!) to my car.

Why?

Because I have a life. It's not what I expected it would be, but it's a good one.

It used to be that the most exciting things going on in my life were work-related. That's not true anymore. My work is still challenging and interesting, but it's not the center of my life anymore.

What do you do to keep your life balanced?

Loving What You Do

I came to a realization lately. Life is just too short to spend one-third (or more!) of your time doing something that you don't love.

I know. This is probably not new to many of you, but I guess I'm slower than some. Like most people, I had been going through life doing a job that I didn't really enjoy. Why?  It paid the bills.  I had responsibilities. I had no back up income. What I do for a living supports my family and that's it.  I don't have the luxury of taking time to "find myself" while someone else supports us.

Lots of people live their whole life like that, just putting one foot in front of the other, tolerating work that doesn't give them joy or feed their spirit because they think they have no other choice.  Maybe that's true in some cases. I certainly can't speak for everyone, but it turns out that I do have choices.

I remember a time when I felt like I was making a difference and I did it for that reason. Eventually, though, even that wasn't enough.

The day came when I decided that I didn't want to live that way anymore, so I made a decision to stop doing the part of my business that I didn't enjoy. The next part was decision to focus on doing what I love, on writing things I want to write, on helping people by doing what I love.

Is it scary?  Yes, absolutely. But you know what's even scarier?  The thought of spending another 25 years, 60 hours a week, doing something I can't stand and living with the stress and pressure of it all.

I used to describe leaving public education and going into consulting work like letting go of the side of the pool.  The water is the same, but you have to learn to swim on your own. Going into business for yourself is like getting out of the pool and swimming in the ocean. There are waves and sharks and more hazards than you can imagine, but it's still water, and it's still swimming. Making a shift in the nature of the business is like swimming in the ocean, but changing the stroke I'm using.

How long will it take me to swim as efficiently with the butterfly as I was with the breast stroke?  I don't know. 

Will I be able to do it?  Of course I will.

It's still swimming.

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I'll share more about this change over the next week in coming posts.