"Plant Your Own Garden and Decorate Your Own Soul"

About 25 years ago, I was going through a particularly hard time in my life. It felt like my entire world was shifting beneath me. It was a time of depression and heartache.

I remember my mother trying to help me through it, and while she clearly cared very much, there really wasn't anything she could say or do to change things.  It was one of those situations that only I could change. It was also the first major challenge of my adult life.

As was typically the case with my mother, she didn't know what to say, but she was good at finding the words of other people that might help.  She gave me a plaque with this excerpt from a wonderful poem:

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference 

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, 

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning 

And company doesn't mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts 

And presents aren't promises, 

And you begin to accept your defeats 

With your head up and your eyes open 

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, 

And you learn to build all your roads on today 

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans 

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn... 

That even sunshine burns if you get too much. 

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure... 

That you really are strong 

And you really do have worth... 

And you learn and learn... 

With every good-bye you learn.

I must have read and re-read that poem a thousand times over the next six months, and a few hundred times since then. It helped me grow up and get through that difficult time, and many difficult times since then.

I pulled this poem out again after my mother died, and it gave me great comfort.  It still does.

Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

I'm sitting here in front of my computer staring at blank screen. Again. It seems like I have been doing that a lot lately. I could write yet another post on overcoming writer's block (please, please, don't make me do that), or I could just share some of the random thoughts that have flashed through my head over the past few minutes.

A very wise woman taught me years ago that something doesn't have to come out of my mouth (or out through my keyboard) just because it pops into my head, so I won't be sharing all of the random thoughts I've had (be grateful).  Still, you may be a bit shocked at the wild ride an ADD brain takes every moment of every day.  Please fasten your seat belts. Here we go....

• I have a friend who sent me an opinion piece on Facebook about some things America can supposedly learn from the Egypt situation. I took the time to type out a lengthy response on my itty-bitty iPhone keyboard, but there was no response.  What's up with that?
• My husband feels the need to come in every few minutes to make sure I'm working. That's annoying.
• How come Pandora plays Bruce Springsteen and Louis Armstrong on the same channel that's supposed to be The Eagles?
• Is sexting ok on Valentine's Day?
• The Propel water additive for my water tastes like grape but it's colorless.  How do they do that?
• What's my oldest son doing right now?
• Why can't I have relationships with friends that are not somehow connected to my husband?
• Wow....my daffodils are gorgeous!
• I forgot to get a Valentine's card in the mail to my aunt.  Should I send one late, or just send flowers instead?
• There was an opinion piece in the Sacramento Bee today that basically said we should blame the kids for the lousy performance of schools.  Great....blaming the victim, again. How about proposing a real solution?
• My husband sure is cute.
• How can I get motivated to attack the pile of writing projects on my desk?
• What would happen if I just quit my job?
• I wish I were in Napa right now.  It's too beautiful a day to be inside at a computer.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with gratitude for the goodness in my life I can barely breathe.
• Sometimes I am so overcome with restlessness and a desire for more in my life that I can barely breathe.
• I wish I didn't like popcorn so much.
• Can you get sick from eating too much popcorn?
• This chair is too hard.
• The window here in my office needs washing desperately.
• My kids are really great. I love them so much.
• I have a few friends I really care about that I want to talk to more, but I just seem to get too busy to pick up the phone.  What's up with that? Shame on me.
• I wonder if I'll live to see my youngest grow up.
• I miss my mom.
• I need to spend more time with my youngest.  Where is that time going to come from?
• Geez, the skin on my hands is so dry. 
• How am I going to get those income taxes paid?
• I sure would like a few days to just spend alone.
• I'd better get started on that anti-gang grant timeline.
• I know I'm supposed to cut back on salt, but how much is too much?

I think I'll stop there.  I could go on and on and on. When I have writer's block, the problem isn't that I can't think of anything.  The problem is that I think too much. Now I just need to corral those random thoughts into something productive.

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Read more A Writer's Journey.

10 Things I Learned from the Justin Bieber Movie

I saw the movie Justin Bieber: Never Say Never today. It wasn't on my list of must-see films, but my son (who is certain that he is the next Justin Bieber)  wanted to go and since he can't get there on his own yet, I took him. Honestly, prior to this movie, I knew very little about Little Boy Bieber. I knew he was a YouTube sensation, and I knew he was now a favorite of pre-teen girls.  Oh yeah, and he sings. That's about it.

So, I went into the movie without many preconceived ideas about him.  In fact, the only thing I was expecting when I went to the movie was that I probably wouldn't enjoy the movie, but it wouldn't be the first thing I have done just to make one of my children happy. I'll admit that I was pleasantly surprised, even though I wanted to grab him by the collar a few times and scream, "Young man, will you please pull up your pants?!"  Yes, I know.  That's the official litmus test for "old."

For the rest of you who are old, too (at least by Bieber-fan standards), here's a list of interesting things I learned from the movie.  Now you can seem hip to your children and grandchildren without having to see the movie yourself.  Consider this a public service.

1. Justin Bieber seems like a very nice, wholesome young man. The rock star drug and alcohol culture has not adulterated his innocence.  That is very refreshing.
2. Justin Bieber's favorite color is purple.  I love purple, too!
3. Justin Bieber was raised as a Christian, and he and his team pray before every concert. The movie also showed his mother praying with him for healing when he was sick, and we saw him and his friends praying before eating pizza at a pizza parlor - without adult prompting. That was very nice to see. I felt a little better for the younger generation.
4. He really can sing. This may sound like a no-brainer, but there are lots of music stars who can't, ya know.
5. The recording artist Usher played a significant role in Justin's success. Usher's commitment to help a young performer is admirable.
6. At every concert, when Justin sings One Less Lonely Girl, his staff picks a random girl from the audience to come on stage and be serenaded by him. Yes, I felt a lump in my throat to see those girls so happy at such a sweet gesture, until I realized that while the girl on stage felt special, she was now hated by 50,000 other girls in the audience. Security!
7. At every concert, Justin's staff goes outside before the concert and gives away free tickets to groups of girls and families. And not just any tickets, but excellent floor seats right up front.  Very nice.
8. Justin Bieber is very close to his grandparents, particularly his grandfather. I hope he always appreciates what a wonderful gift his grandparents are.
9. When he's home, Justin Bieber has to clean his room before he can go out with his friends, too. I wanted to applaud when I heard his grandmother say, "Not until you clean your room!"  Yes, I pointed this out to my son. I want him to know that he really is like Justin Bieber.
10. Justin Bieber works very hard. His life may look glamorous, but he is developing a nice work ethic, and he's definitely learning that the life he's living is not all fun and games, and that sometimes you have to work even when you don't want to and you don't feel like it. It's an important lesson to learn, but part of me is very sad for him that he has to learn it so young. Sure, he has fame and wealth, but he'll never know what it's like to go to high school every day looking forward to seeing that cute girl in Algebra class.  He'll never experience the Prom like other kids do, or a dance after a football game, or hundreds of other experiences (both good and not-so-good) that make the teen years special.

Now I have a word of advice for teen boys.  Put on a Justin Bieber t-shirt and get to a Bieber concert.  Why? Because there are thousands of teen girls there looking for love, and virtually no guys. And learning how to do the Bieber hair flick wouldn't hurt either.

Writing from the Heart

I always struggle when it gets close to Valentine's Day with the decision about what to do for my husband for that holiday.  I tell him I love him every day, and I try my best to show him every day, but apparently we're all supposed to do something special for Valentine's Day. We have long since passed the point where I could buy anything that would express my feelings and appreciation for him. So, I remember what my mother always used to tell me when I was a girl about gift giving occasions.  She would say, "Why don't you write him/her a poem?"

My mother supported my writing efforts from a very young age.  She encouraged me to write poems and essays for just about every occasion.  I'd write a poem for Thanksgiving, and she would schedule a reading for just before or after dinner.  I remember her beaming with pride as I would read my creations.  It was, without question, a gift for her, regardless of the intended audience.

Well, I'm not going to write my husband a poem (my poetry writing these days is limited to haiku and experimental pieces that are just for me), but I suppose a love letter would be in order for this special holiday.  But here's the challenge - putting years' worth of emotion and shared experiences into a single letter.  And it can't be too long.  My husband's eyes will start glazing over after a few paragraphs, no matter how inspirational the prose. 

I'm going to take the advice I give to others. I'm going to think about the last year and what we've been though (and it has been a lot), and then I'm going to write from the heart. 

I want to tell him what a difference it made to have a real partner as we walked through the difficult times with our oldest son - a partner who loves him as much as I do and who celebrates like I do that he has come through on the other side of those difficulties.

I want to tell him how much he inspires me with his kindness and selflessness. I am in awe at how he'll drop everything to help someone in need, usually with enthusiasm, too.

I want to tell him that I know I move through life fast and that it doesn't always seem like I notice or appreciate everything he does to make out home life comfortable, but I do.

I want to tell him that I can't look at our children each day without feeling a profound sense of gratitude that he chose me 23 years ago and that our love played a role in creating these two remarkable and talented young men.

I want to tell him that I can't imagine my life without him in it.

Oh yeah, and I love him, too.

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Time is on My Side....or Is It?

I've spent most of my life thinking that time was on my side. I've sauntered my way through life at times at a slow malingering pace, much like the tempo of the Rolling Stones' famous song, Time Is On My Side, acting as if I have all the time in the world.

Of course, I live a life of deadlines, so I rush and hurry in spurts of activity, but these have always been stressful bites of time nestled in my belief that, in the big picture, I had all the time I would ever need for everything I would ever want to do.

Then, things started happening that made me question the abundance of time.  Kids grow up. Parents die. Health issues surface.

Suddenly, time doesn't seem like my friend anymore. It seems like a competitor, a task master, a stalker. I now sometimes have a sense that what was once abundant is now scarce  - very scarce - and precious. I've written a lot about living for the moment and embracing the time you have right now, and I truly believed everything I wrote, but it wasn't until recently that I started to feel it. This life really is short, much shorter than I ever thought.

One of my favorite songs is Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying. It's a great reminder that we should live each day like it's our last. I want to live that way, I really do.  But how do you reconcile that with the responsibilities of life like raising a family and earning a living?  I can't stop working because I want to spend more time with my kids or because I want to see sunsets in Hawaii.

I know it's about priorities - making them and keeping them.

So, today I'll set some priorities and try to find some balance between being a responsible adult and living like today is my last day.

How do you do that?

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Read more A Writer's Journey.