An Open Letter to Teachers

Parent-teacher conferences for the first term are approaching. The whole concept of official parent – teacher conferences is a strange one to me. A very short block of time (usually 20 min. or so) is set aside to talk about my child's progress. To be more accurate, the time has been set aside for the teacher to talk to me (or at me, depending on your perspective) about my child's progress in the classroom. There is not time for many questions or for any real discussion, and there definitely isn't time for the parent to provide much feedback to the teacher on the parent perspective of the effectiveness of the teacher's strategies.

Like most parents, I will show up for my parent – teacher conference at the assigned time, sit in the tiny chair, listen to the teacher explain the marks on the report card, maybe ask a question or two, and then be on my way.

Here are some things that will be left unsaid during my conference (and probably most parents – teacher conferences):

1. My child is the most important person in my world. He is bright, funny, energetic, intuitive, and joyful. If you could see him how I see him, you would take a completely different approach to his education. Rather than checking off the standards that he has mastered and providing "intervention services" for the standards that he has not yet mastered, you would focus on his amazing strengths.
2. The most important thing to be nurtured in a child in the primary grades is a love for learning, not a checklist of standards. I am not at all against the teaching of discrete skills, but if it kills a child's love for learning, far more damage than good has taken place.
3. When you say negative things about my child, please remember that you are talking about the love of my life.
4. Please understand when I place more priority on family time than homework. The few hours I have in the evening each night with my child are precious. Giving up an hour or two of that time for homework that means very little to me and even less my child just doesn't make sense for our family. Besides, the research in the field is pretty clear on the fact that homework at the elementary level (grades kindergarten through six) has very little, if any, connection to academic achievement. Prioritizing family time over homework does not mean that I don't respect you or education. It just means that I have a bigger picture in mind for my child. Every day matters. Please don't punish my child for that.
5. Please don't find fault with me for continuing to bring the conversation back to my child and my child's needs. I fully understand that you have 30 students in the classroom and that juggling resources and schedules to address all of their needs is a monumental task, but it is my job to stay focused on my child. I hear lots of criticism about parents who are not involved in their children's education. Please don't find fault with me because I am involved.
6. Please be aware that I feel like I'm walking a tightrope between caring very much about my son's academic progress compared with other children and caring only about my son's progress compared with his own potential. At any given moment, either might be in the forefront of my mind.
7. If you have an issue or a concern about my son, please call or email me immediately.  Finding out about a problem weeks later is frustrating. Hearing about it from another parent in the community because they overheard you expressing your frustration to another teacher is intolerable. I want to hear from you.  I want open communication.  I know you're busy.  So am I.  But this is important.  We have to find a way to communicate.
8. If you need my help with something in particular, or if you think I should be working with my son on a particular skill or concept, please let me know.
9. I know the academic skills are very important, but most of the things I worry about for my son have nothing to do with academics - and that doesn't mean I don't care about academics.  I worry about his health, his safety, how he gets along with other children, his spiritual development, his character, and a million other things. How those issues intersect with his time at school (about 25%-30% of his life) really matters to me.
10. Please spend more time in your interactions with my son in building him up and encouraging him, rather than criticizing and finding fault. The world will start picking away at his self-confidence soon enough.  Please help me build it up for him.  Help me to help him see what a remarkable human being he is.
11. I don't know how many other parents understand this, but I fully understand that my child's education is my responsibility - not the school's, not yours. 

I hope that one of the most important things to be said at the parent-teacher conference will not be left unsaid:

Thank you!  

Thank you for devoting your career to children.  Thank you for taking the time to get to know my child and his needs.  Thank you for the hours you spend beyond your contracted hours to prepare materials, communicate with me by email, and participate in training so you can improve your teaching skills on an ongoing basis. Thank you for hugging my son when he falls down, for encouraging him when he thinks he can't succeed at something, for helping him learn how to resolve disputes with other children.  Thank you for making your classroom a physically and emotionally safe place so I have peace of mind when I drop my son off at school every day. Thank you for caring.

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