Surviving the Non-Routine

I can admit it.  I like to think of myself as a wild and crazy gal - the impulsive live-for-the-moment type. The truth is, though, that I am very much a creature of routine and habit. I seem to be happiest and most productive when I'm operating within my regular routine.  No, I did not say "stuck in a rut." If that's what you read between the lines, read it again.

As much as I love the holiday season (it's my favorite time of year), it's a routine buster. Nothing is as it usually is. I work less, kids are home from school, husband is right there - all the time. My 30 minute limit in the kitchen every night becomes hours of holiday cooking. Most of the people (employees and business associates) who are part of my life for at least 8 hours a day are completely absent. I am visited by the ghosts of Christmas past who remind me about the beloved family members who are not with us anymore, and I fight back by focusing on those who are with me now, clamoring for my attention.

Lots of people struggle with the dramatic shift from the routine during the holidays, not just the ADHD friends among us.

So, how do I deal with this period of non-routine without going crazy, hurting someone, or running back to the office early? Here are a few tricks I can share:

1. Make some time for yourself every day.  Maybe it's an hour early in the morning or late in the evening, but don't minimize the need for your own time alone.  I use it for prayer and meditation, and reading.
2. Don't completely abandon the routine. Pick parts of your routine that you will keep over the holidays.  I keep my morning routine as close to normal as possible. I also make sure to make some time to check my email and read every day.
3. If you are uncomfortable, tell those you love. Wouldn't you want to know if some you loved was a bit out of sorts? Speaking up about your discomfort can take away some of its power and make things a little easier.
4. Remember that your regular routine will return soon. Normal will come back. Don't worry.  Enjoy the distractions. Knowing that you'll have your routine back soon can give you the freedom to really enjoy now.

My time of escape to write this is almost over.  It's time to step back into that holiday world.

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Knowing the Rules vs Following the Rules

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am, generally speaking, a rule follower and law obeyer.  Yes, I am the one who stops at a red light on a country road at night when there is clearly no one around, waiting patiently for the green light. I do my best (although not perfectly) to adhere to the speed limit. I don't park in parking spaces designated for the disabled, and I don't violate warnings of "No Trespassing."

In most of my life, knowing the rules and following the rules are the same thing.

But it's not true with writing.

Oh, I know the rules.  I definitely know all the rules. I just choose not to follow them all the time.  Call it my own personal little rebellion against "the man."  I'll defiantly start sentences with conjunctions (like I just did above), or I'll brazenly end sentences with prepositions. I'm the queen of the run-on sentence and the duchess of the dangling participle.

Why?  Because it's the prerogative of creativity to ignore the rules sometimes.

However, you really have to know the rules well first.  I've read pieces of writing that were riddled with grammatical errors that were obviously unintentional.  That's not creativity.  That's poor writing. I've also read writing that was masterfully written; not only did the grammatical "errors" not interfere with the meaning of the piece, but they actually enhanced it by clarifying the voice of the author. It's a thing of beauty when it's done right.  It's painful to read when it's not.

So, here I sit with more education than should be allowed by law, expertly  aware of the rules of writing and doing whatever I want to anyway. I'm a rebel. I'm a literary outlaw.

I'm a writer.

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Just Like Breathing

I was corresponding with an acquaintance recently, and he asked what I had read lately.  As I was going through the list with him, he interrupted and said, "Whoa! You must have lots of free time on your hands.  I don't have time to read like that." I laughed, remembering that this person didn't know me very well.  I simply answered," I can't not read. For me, reading and writing are just like breathing."  And so it is.

On any given day, I'll read parts of two or three novels, pieces of several non-fiction books, a newspaper, email, twitter, Facebook posts, and a wide variety of articles and essays. It's not a hardship or something I struggle to do.  I do it just because. I do it because it just feels like the right thing to do.  Like breathing.

George R.R. Martin wrote, "The mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone."  Without a whetstone, a sword becomes dull and, eventually, useless. The same thing happens to the mind without reading...at least that's how it is for me.

I can't imagine a life without reading. I can feel my brain begin to atrophy if I'm forced to cut back on my reading for a day or two due to social events or work (fortunately, my work requires that I read and write a lot). I find my connection to most of the rest of humankind in the written word. That doesn't mean I don't socialize or enjoy conversation, but that there is a depth of understanding that I can process best through the written word. My closest relationships have been developed at some point in the relationship through writing (letters or email or shared journaling).

And just as breathing requires inhaling and exhaling, feeding fully on the written word usually involved both taking it in (reading) and letting it out (through writing or conversation) after it has gone through me, nourished me, changed me in some way. I could no more keep it all inside without sharing it than I could hold my breath forever.

Knowledge and wisdom are meant to circulate among us - like air.

And that circulation sustains me.

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The Rogue Daffodil

I have a rogue daffodil in my parking lot, in the planter just next to where I park my car every day. Leaves are falling all around and there is nothing but dirt in its planter.  Nothing else has popped up in the middle of autumn, but this little naturalized daffodil apparently doesn't know that it's not supposed to be up yet. We haven't even had the first freeze yet.  What is he, crazy?

I wonder what's going to happen.  The cold freezes of our winter nights may just kill it before it ever gets a chance to bloom. Or maybe, just maybe, it will bloom early in spite of the cold.  It could be one of a kind - the only daffodil in full bloom in December or early January. It could defiantly succeed at being itself in spite of what it is supposed to do.

Have you figured out where I'm going with this?

What is it that you haven't been doing because you believe you can't? Who decided what your limits should be? Usually, we limit ourselves based on what someone told us at some point in our lives - our parents, a teacher, our friends. But sometimes we hold ourselves back just because we have some imagined limitation that is not based on any rational condition.

Consider taking another look at your life and how you're living it.  Is there something you want to do or be? Why not just go for it? Maybe it won't work out.  So what?  What if it does?

Don't worry so much about what is expected of you.  Just bloom!

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Dealing with Rejection

I fell in love - I mean really in love - for the first time when I was in 8th grade.  All my crushes before then were just kid stuff, but Matt was the real thing.  We were "going together" and everyone knew it (even though we never actually went anywhere because neither of us was allowed to date and we were too young to drive).  We shared several precious kisses - at a church-sponsored dance, at an amusement park, and on my front porch. Then one day, at a dance, he danced with Gina .... to our song (Three Times a Lady by the Commodores)...and then he kissed her.  And I couldn't breathe.

I was devastated.  It was a pain so intense that it reverberated across the decades.  When I think about it, I can still feel the ache of that betrayal and rejection.

It wasn't the last time I would experience rejection. Anytime you expose yourself emotionally to others you risk rejection. As a writer, you invest yourself in your work. You are putting your ideas, your skill, and your voice out there for judgement. You are actually putting yourself out there for judgement.

All writers experience rejection at some level at some time - the article or book not accepted for publication, the grant proposal not funded, the blog that can't maintain or grow a reader base.

Rejection hurts.

But you have to walk through it. You have to learn from it, and move on.

Just like the only way to avoid repeating the pain of the rejection of my first love would have been never to love again (an unacceptable option), the only way to avoid the pain of rejection as a writer is not to write again.  If you are the kind of writer that I am, you don't have a choice.  You have to write.

So you move forward, gingerly at first, and then you grow a tough skin, accepting that the sting of rejection is part of the price that you pay to experience the sweetness of success. Eventually, the pain of each rejection is mercifully brief and moving on gets a bit easier. The longer you live and the more you write, the more you develop a sense of perspective, and you know that the sting of rejection is temporary, and the deep satisfaction of success and of expressing yourself is much longer lasting.

That's why perseverance is so important.

P.S. Matt, I am so over you.  I thought you should know.

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Related Posts:

Dealing with Change

Grant Writing Success and Failure

For grant writing thoughts, resources, and tips, try The Grant Goddess Speaks.

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Who's Voice Is That?

One of my staff members wrote an executive summary for a report recently.  It was a well-written piece.  I reviewed it. It had all of its parts.  It was grammatically correct.  In short, it was a good executive summary. When our client read it, though, her first comment was, "Who wrote this?" She admitted there was nothing wrong with the writing, but she just knew it wasn't me. I didn't know if I should be flattered that she knew my writing well enough to recognize my voice (or the lack of it) or if I should be nervous because we were caught with someone else in my organization writing it (although there is nothing wrong with our team writing effort in this situation).

There is no question that my writing has a distinctive voice. The whole concept of voice (which is different than tone) is that it is unique to you. It is the quality of your writing that allows your audience to know that you wrote something. Every piece of good writing has a voice, regardless of whether it is fiction or non-fiction. I have read articles on academic writing that discuss the concept of voice as the difference between just regurgitating the research and other peoples' opinions and the contribution that you make to the intellectual discussion. This made sense to me.

I'm sure you have read a bunch of articles and web pages that just repeat information you can find elsewhere. This is particularly true in this age of massive online content generation.  You can find someone online to write a 500 word article for you for $5 and you can slap your name on it and share it or sell it.  So what? What does that add to the discussion?

I was reading my son's gaming blog recently and I was struck my the fact that he has developed a voice that is uniquely his. It made me smile.  OK, I was a little proud, too. He has something valuable to say, and I am certain that the success of his blog is not about grammar and punctuation (or occasional grammar and punctuation errors) or even about the content.  The success of his blog about what he brings to that content.  It's his voice.

If you are a regular reader of any of our blogs (The Grant Goddess Speaks, A Writer's Journey, Sexy Grant Writers, Veronica Robbins Unleashed, Grant Outline, Grant Beast) you can tell who wrote each post based on the voice. Those of us who contribute, including our guest bloggers, each have something unique to say and a very unique way of saying it.

When advising new writers, I emphasize the importance of developing a voice.  This is not about finding your voice, but developing it as a writer. Your voice isn't hidden.  It's you. Developing it is all about learning to free it, rather than suppress it, in your writing.

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Here is some more information about the difference between tone and voice, and how you can develop your own voice in writing.

Related Posts from A Writer's Journey:

What Would You Write If You Weren't Afraid?

So Many Writing Media Choices, But Are We Saying Anything?

When Written Communication Doesn't Communicate

What Men Really Mean

Does Public Education Support or Discourage Young Writers?

Things I Can Do Now That Baseball Season is Over

Yes, baseball season is over, and I'm in that strange and uncomfortable place between elation (Woohoo!!! My Giants won the World Series!) and confusion (what do I do now?). For the past seven months, I've been watching baseball 5-7 times per week. I have driven into San Francisco (1.5 hours each way) more times than I can count during just about every home stand to cheer on the team. I have read baseball blogs and checked box scores and tweeted Giants love just about every day. I have neglected my favorite TV shows and all but eliminated any non-baseball-related social life. Yes, I have friends who live a block away who I haven't seen for seven months.

Now what?

Because I am a left-brained, analytical type, I decided to make a list of some of  the things I can do now that baseball season is over - just to help me get through this transitional period.  Here is my list (not necessarily in order of priority):

1. Prioritize this list.
2. Program the app in my iPhone to count down the days until opening day 2011.
3. Spend more time reading and playing with my six year old.
4. Finish reading Life of Pi. I started reading it after a friend recommended it in June and, well, I never made it beyond chapter 1.
5. Get back to writing in my journal every day.  My daily entries stopped somewhere in May and became infrequent rants about the San Diego Padres and the Los Angeles Dodgers.
6. Reintroduce myself to my non-baseball friends.
7. Order my World Series Championship gear (caps, shirts, etc.)
8. Put down my deposit for our season tickets for 2011.
9. Write more blog posts.
10. Make a movie with my son and post it online.
11. Learn how to shoot a rifle.
12. Think of a friendly salutation to greet people that doesn't include, "Go Giants!"
13. Clean up and store my Giants purse and other baseball gear for use next season.
14. Make a Christmas list.
15. Send out Christmas cards.
16. Take a walk downtown in the early evening and enjoy the shops.
17. Take my son to the park.
18. Volunteer in my son's classroom.
19. Prune my roses.
20. Teach my son how to edit videos.
21. Make a photo book to send to family for Christmas.
22. Expand my daily meditation time.
23. Call my friends and family more often to tell them I love them.
24. Develop more online courses for Grant Goddess University.
25. Continue my video blog.
26. Write another book.
27. Write more letters.
28. Clean my desk.
29. Wave and smile sweetly to the impolite neighbors across the street (Yes, I'm baaaack!)
30. Get back to Bible study.
31. Go to a movie with my husband.
32. Attend more school board meetings.
33. Bake cookies with my son.
34. Sleep in one day a week.

I think that's a good start for now. Before I know it, it'll be April again and it will be time to follow baseball again.  

Who am I kidding?  Spring training starts in February. That means I have only three months to get to everything on that list.  Suddenly, I'm stressed. I think I'll watch a replay of World Series Game 6 to calm down and relax. 

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